3 of 5 Puke-Inducing Stars – Cows by Matthew Stokoe.

This is the most vile and disgusting book I’ve ever read. By far. It’s like the author wrote this book for the sole purpose of being sick and twisted. Nevermind having a story. There’s no reason for a story when the reader can barely get through a sentence without puking their guts out, right?

This is the story of Steven, who is pretty much bat-shit insane from the very beginning. He believes he is being poisoned by his disgusting Hagbeast of a mother. Because she feeds him nasty slop that’s not even fit to feed the pigs. He can’t just turn his nose up and not eat it, because the Hagbeast makes sure that he’s eaten every bite.

Steven is the bane of his mother’s existence. She hates him. And Dog. She fucking hates the dog, who is called “Dog” for whatever reason. I mean, how hard is it to name your fucking dog? She pisses on Dog, and kicks him around, even though its hind legs don’t even work. It pulls itself around the house by its front paws, like a pathetic little invilid.

Steven hates the Hagbeast as well. So one day, he’s decided he’s had enough. So he says “Fuck you, ma! I’m doing the cooking from now on. You can’t poison me anymore.” So he goes into the kitchen and tries to find something to make, but he decides that he just can’t cook. So he does the next best thing. He goes into the bathroom with two plates, and comes out with two plates full of shit. He sets them down on the table, one in front of the Hagbeast, and one in front of himself.

“Eat up ma,” he says. Now, the Hagbeast is not stupid. No sir. She tells him that there’s no way she’s eating what he’s prepared, unless he eats it as well. So, he takes a bite. And the Hagbeast starts shoving the shit into her ugly face, only to puke all over the kitchen table.

That part is disgusting, yes. But that’s just the beginning. It gets so much worse from then on. And then, Steven learns how to communicate with cows, for some reason. I guess, because they want him to kill their tormentor, Cripps. Because Cripps rapes them before and after killing them, at the factory.

That whole storyline seemed pretty fucking stupid. Frankly, the whole book is fucking retarded. It goes from a guy who hates his mother, to a guy who wants the perfect picket fence life, with his insane girlfriend, to a guy who’s learned to murder, and enjoy it, to a guy who talks to cows and believes that he’s their leader.

So the only point I can see to this book, is that brits are sick and twisted fucks. I mean, we knew that already. We didn’t really need this detailed description of the how and why they’re sick and twisted.

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  1. Daniel Waltz says:


    I don’t know man, you read some weird shit.

    Here’s my book, it’s free. It’s not your type, I think, but honestly, I don’t know what is. Still enjoy your reviews, though.



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