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4 of 5 Giddy-As-A-Schoolgirl Stars – Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson.

Just about every time I read about about heroes and villains, I usually end up rooting for the villain. Because villains are fucking awesome. They destroy entire cities. They kill anyone who even tries to oppose them.

I’ve always known that, if I had a choice to be a hero or a villain, I’d chose villain every time. Because they’re just more fun. And they always get the bitches. Heroes have to hide their identity. They have to work at getting pussy. Fuck that shit.

I mean, think about Superman. That poor guy never gets laid. Because he has to live his life as fucking pathetic Clark Kent. And Spider-Man has the same damn problem. He loves Mary Jane, but he just can’t close the deal, because he doesn’t want to see her get hurt…

It fucking pisses me off. Why can’t superheroes grow a pair, and just be who they are, instead of hiding from everyone. Sure, that paints a target on your back, but when you’re motherfucking Superman, who the fuck cares? Nothing can hurt you. So, grow a pair and get some bitches, you stupid cry-baby fuck.

This book is about a world overrun by superheroes. But they’re not superheroes. They’re all supervillains. Because that’s how it’d really be, if the world was riddled with so many people with amazing powers. They would rule the world, no question.

I’ve never understood that part of the whole X-Men conflict. In the X-Men world, the mutants are scared of the government. They hide themselves, so they don’t get locked away and experimented on by Men in Black. But come on… That’s just not realistic. X-Men could rule the world, easily. But they don’t. Because they’re cry-baby little pussies.

That’s why this book is so goddamn awesome. Their world is ruled by supervillains. In fact, the government even made a law that states that any Epic has immunity to any law. So, they can rule with impunity, without anyone even trying to fuck with them.

But there’s still a select few who challenge the Epics every so often. A group of people who call themselves the Reckoners. The group is made up of a bunch of rebels who are sick and fucking tired of being ruled by asshole supervillains. So, they stalk the night and take out as many Epics as they can. Usually sticking with the minor Epics who can actually be killed.

Then, our hero David joins their ranks. He’s been studying the Epics since his father was killed 10 years earlier. David has compiled a bunch of notebooks which detail certain weaknesses in various Epics, which would make them so much easier to kill.

But of course, the Reckoners tell him to pound sand. Because, conflict. But then, David tells them about some of his research, about the Epic’s weaknesses… And he’s in the club! Yay. This bit seemed very forced. I mean it was so obvious that he would make a perfect addition to the team, that any of their objections just seemed fake and silly. And that just distracted me from the story. Because, I had to suspend belief for that bit. It just wasn’t genuine, and it pissed me off just a tad.

And the swearing… There’s so much fucking swearing in this book. But it’s kind of a young adult book, so there aren’t any real swear words. They say things like “Oh, calamity!” or “Sparks!” or “Shut up, you stupid slontze!” This was another thing that drove me crazy, and distracted me from the story. Again, I had to suspend belief like every other fucking page. Because, goddamnit… People don’t fucking talk like that. Sure, one guy might talk like that, but EVERY TIME SOMEONE SWORE??? Every goddamn character used those fake swear words. It’s just fucking bullshit.

But still, the story was fucking awesome. The slight flaws were made up by the awesome story and characters. I read this book, because after I reviewed The Last Superhero, I was extremely pissed off that there really were no superheros, or even supervillains in that book. With Steelheart, there’s Epics to spare, and I fucking loved it.

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Comments
  1. jaegur says:

    Great review! A few things-thoughts: Have you read the Mistborn series, by Brandon? It was the first series of his that I read, barring the final books of the Wheel of Time. This book reminded me of those books a lot, which isn’t very surprised as they’re by the same author, I suppose. They are a fantastic read though, if you get the chance.

    On the swearing thing, some may disagree with this, but I believe this is due to his religion. He’s a pretty devout-seeming Mormon, and I think in all of the books of his that I’ve read, I can maybe think of one swear word. I agree with you thought, it is annoying, seeing as how this happens in Chicago, and we here on Earth don’t talk like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      Oh he’s Mormon? Well, that explains a lot. Still, he writes some interesting books. I’ll have to check out the Mistborn series you mentioned. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • jaegur says:

        I love his writing. At first I didn’t, but the first thing I read of his was when he was tapped to finish the WoT series. I was just angry then, I suppose, that Jordan had passed. Since then, I read everything of Sanderson’s that I can get my hands on. And the man is a beast. He writes books like it’s his job.

        Like

  2. Mike Finn says:

    I’ve had this on my Maybe list for a while. I think I’ll give it a whirl. Thanks for the review.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. […] My thanks to Glenn Hates Books who’s review convinced me to read “Steelheart”. You can find his review HERE […]

    Like

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