0d4

3 of 5 Dirty-Slut Stars –  d4 by Sherrie Cronin.

This book has the stupidest title. I mean, ‘d4’? What the fuck does that even mean? If someone is browsing through amazon, looking for a book to read, why the fuck would they even click on that title? It’s meaningless. It doesn’t tell me anything about the book. I don’t know how this author is able to sell any copies of this book. Maybe there’s a subliminal ‘FREE BEER’ message hidden on the cover.

This book is about a dirty slut named Ariel, who works as a liaison for an investment firm, which develops software and hardware for investors who make high frequency trades. I know, every part of that sentence is boring as shit, except for the ‘dirty slut’ part. Ariel is not, in fact, a mermaid, as one would surely assume (because of The Little Mermaid, duh). But she does have a special gift. She can see the future.

Big fucking deal. Everyone in this goddamn book has some kind of amazing gift. Most have some kind of precognition, but others can astral-project, or communicate telepathically, or even morph into a completely different person. But here’s the problem: none of them do a goddamn thing with their amazing abilities. Okay, one guy does, but because of it, he’s seen as the book’s only villain. He uses his future-telling ability to make tons of dough in the stock market. Come on… I mean, anyone with that kind of ability would do the same fucking thing.

One of the reasons that Ariel is such a dirty slut is that, apparently, precogs can enhance their visions by touching each other. Each time she meets one of her clients, she shakes their hands, and immediately recognizes the precog ability. Our villain, Baldur, sees Ariel’s ability as well, and he finds that touching her would make his visions, and his trades, much more accurate.

Of course, he tries to rape her. Because, he’s naughty like that. But mostly, because he absolutely NEEDS her touch to reach his goal of owning the entire world’s wealth. She escapes, because she can see the immediate future. But Baldur is not easily avoided, since he is her best client. So the next time they meet, he slips something in her drink, and takes what he believes is his right.

But he still wants more… So he eventually ends up blackmailing her to be his personal mind-slave.

Then, there’s this whole plot thing. Some precogs are able to see way into the future, and it turns out that in 2352, the human race becomes extinct, from some nasty plague. So, throughout the book, there are several characters who are dedicating their life to find out a solution to the distant future. How to save the human race.

So they go to Mars, as you do. Because, of course, there’s no plague on Mars, right? It’s said that the plague isn’t man made. It’s a natural occurring pathogen. So what makes them think it won’t happen on Mars? I don’t fucking know.

Ariel gets to be Queen Slut of Mars, and everyone ends up happily ever after. Great. Thanks a lot. Now I’ve got to go write some goddamn Little Mermaid fanfic, where people actually use their fucking super-powers.

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Comments
  1. Well Glenn — you made me laugh, and my husband is looking for the thing about free beer hidden on the cover. I considered sending you another one of my books but decided I’d probably have more fun watching you roast other people’s work for awhile. You are a funny man. Thanks for the review, and if you help me sell even one more copy I’ll be grateful.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. gegrizzle says:

    Not much, really… It’s just that there are hyperlinks throughout the book that will take you to definitions, or examples of the subject matter.

    Liked by 1 person

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