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1 of 5 Gay-As-Fuck Stars – Lamb by Christopher Moore.

I fucking hate this book. It bored me to tears. It had an interesting premise, which is why I started reading it in the first place. But Christopher Moore just took that premise and skull-fucked it. He shit the bed with this fucking book, and I have no fucking clue why so many people love it so much.

It’s the story of Biff, Jesus’ childhood friend. But of course, Biff calls him ‘Josh’, as you do. The book details the years that were left out of the Bible, the actual childhood of ‘Josh’ and Biff. How they learned kung-fu together. Discovered coffee. Invented sarcasm.

Okay, see even my description makes it sound like an interesting book, but IT’S NOT, GODDAMNIT. It’s boring as fuck. It’s just page after page of them wandering around, doing mostly nothing. Very rarely did they do anything worth noting. It’s just bullshit.

I was hoping that this book was going to poke fun at the Bible. That always amuses me. Tearing Christians to shreds is one of my favorite pastimes. But if anything, this book reinforced the ideas of the Bible. You know, helping people and all that shit. I hate it so much.

Fuck people. People are assholes. Most of them deserve to die a horrible death. Especially, back in those days. People were not nice. They were only out for themselves. You know, like most people are today. Fucking assholes.

I did not pick up this book to get preached at, which is what it ended up doing. Don’t fucking preach to me, Moore. I know I’m an asshole. I’m fine with it. If there really is a hell, I would enjoy going there, because at least then, I wouldn’t be stuck in bullshit heaven, having to deal with my fucked-up relatives. I’d rather burn in hell, thank you very much.

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Comments
  1. jaffakintigh says:

    But why “Gay as Fuck Stars”? What’s gay about the novel? If Biff and Josh were gay in the novel, you probably would have mentioned it in the review and it could have spiced up the droning plot. I’ll be sure to put this on my don’t read list and turn instead to something that’s at least 4 or 5 Gay-as-Fuck stars . . ..

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      You know what? If it was, in fact, gay, as in actually homosexual, that would have been awesome. When I say ‘Gay-As-Fuck’, I don’t mean it’s flamingly homosexual. I mean: it sucks donkey balls. 😛

      Like

  2. jaffakintigh says:

    Sucking donkey balls is not gay, it’s bestial . . . and probably awkward. Something out of that book you reviewed last week. [Pig(??)]. When you get around to reading and reviewing my books [in beta now] you will see gay-as-fucking-heroes. But not bestial . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      I happen to be gay as fuck, myself. I enjoy gay fiction almost as much as I enjoy cock. Some gays take offense when the word ‘gay’ is used to describe something bad. Lighten up. Like Louie C.K says, ‘stop being a faggot, and suck that dick!’

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Started reading it… got a little bored… switched to the audio version just to get it over with. I was hoping for a little more Bible skewering too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mahesh Nair says:

    Are you fed up of your relatives? Why do you think you’ll burn in hell? Is this book a success otherwise? Thanks for the post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      Well, I don’t think I’ll burn in hell, because I don’t believe in hell. What I said in the review is that I would prefer hell, because yes, I can’t stand my relatives. They’re uber Christian Jesus freaks, and they drive me insane. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  5. gegrizzle says:

    And no… To me, the book was not a success in any way, shape, or form. It was just horrible, in my not-so-humble opinion.

    Like

  6. Mark V. says:

    I love how your reviews start off – albeit – ‘normally’, and then quickly descend into a storm of rant and rage.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dan says:

    With that review, you almost… almost, made me want to read the book. In the end though, I’ll trust your judgement, my reading time is limited.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      Don’t fucking do it! OMG, seriously. It fucking sucks! I know, the premise really makes it sound like an interesting story, but trust me, IT’S NOT INTERESTING AT ALL, GODDAMNIT. 😛

      Like

  8. Shahidah says:

    Josh and Biff OMG how lame…lol I wont bother and trust your judgement

    Liked by 1 person

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