In Search of Captain Beefheart – before google, life was hard

Posted: February 16, 2015 in 2 Star Reviews, Non-Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

0bh

2 of 5 Crazy-Hippy Stars – In Search of Captain Beefheart by Opher Goodwin.

I think I’m too young for this book. Which is funny, because I’m 45 years old, for fuck’s sake. My hair and beard are full-on grey. I’m an old man, as far as I’m concerned. But this book makes me feel I’m a goddamn spring chicken. Because of the 60’s, man.

I fucking hate the 60’s. If the author of this book didn’t send me a copy, and request a review, I would have never read it. If I saw the cover in a book store, I would just keep on walking past. Because they’re hippies, man. Fucking hippies scare me.

This book is about music. From the 60’s, all the way to current music. It’s about being a goddamn groupie. A wanna-be. I would think that it would be easier to be a groupie if you were a hot chick. But the author of this book was up for a challenge. He threw his panties up on the stage, just like the rest of them groupies. That takes balls, man.

It’s the true story of how one groupie dude traveled the world to see all his heroes play great music. And I get that, man. I really do. I’ve just never been that interested in going to concerts. I mean, the music is on the fucking radio, man. Why do you need to go to a concert, and get your fucking ear drums blown the fuck out?

I’ve only been to two concerts in my life, and I fucking hated both of them. They’re too fucking loud. Which is funny, because I’ve been partially deaf my whole fucking life. So when I say they’re too loud, Jesus fucking Christ, they’re TOO GODDAMN LOUD!

Fuck, I sound like an old man. But I’m not. Not compared to this book. it’s just a long, boring, journal entry. It just dragged on and on. I went to this concert. I met this guy. I banged this chick. I snorted this coke. I did so much weed, man, you don’t even know. Fine. You’re a fucking hippy. I get it, man. But seriously, who the fuck cares?

Non-fiction books can be great. But they still need to have a goddamn story. A beginning, middle, and end. And exciting characters, that someone might actually give a fuck about. How about some goddamn development? A character ark. Something, man.

One guy who does this very well is Michael Lewis. He takes real-life events, and turns them into compelling stories. I reviewed his book The New New Thing. It was fucking awesome, because the characters were well developed, and there was an actual story to care about. He also wrote another book you may have heard of, Moneyball.

Don’t get me wrong, this Beefheart book isn’t completely worthless. If you’re really into music, as this author obviously is, I’m sure you’d love this fucking book. I just couldn’t get into it. I mean, music is great, sure. But it’s just music, man. Get over it.

I don’t remember the last time I even listened to the radio, really. I listen to podcasts in my car. Why would I listen to music, when I can listen to Adam Carolla sucking dick for hours on end? That guy can suck a dick, lemme tell ya.

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Comments
  1. Opher says:

    Well Glen if I’d have know how much you hated loud Rock Music then I would have sent you another book! I’m sorry you detested it quite so much. It was a quest I loved. Your send -up is a tad stereotyped. You obviously didn’t get into it. Never mind!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice, an honest review! Made me laugh too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. gegrizzle says:

    Reblogged this on Glenn Hates Books and commented:

    —— I didn’t know how much I hated 60’s music until I read this book. So, thanks for that.

    Like

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