Fifty Shades of Grey – isn’t so bad

Posted: February 17, 2015 in 3 Star Reviews, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


3 of 5 Reasons-To-Write-Fanfic Stars – Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James.

I don’t understand all the controversy over this book. Yes, it’s porn. Big fucking deal. Oh, but it’s bondage porn. Again, big fucking deal. Some people are into that shit. So what? If nobody is really hurt, and it’s consensual, what’s the problem?

This book is about some stupid bitch who falls in love with some rich asshole. He’s a sociopath. He doesn’t like to be touched. He likes control. And apparently, he hates women. Or at least that’s what I get from his character. He has a strong need to control and punish women.

I have to wonder if Ana would have fallen for Christian if he was just a regular guy. Just a super hot hunk of a guy that she met at the gym, or something. Would she have gone so far into the lifestyle? Would she have let him torture her so much? Or was it just because Christian is rich as fuck, and can take her on wonderous adventures?

You know what really drove me crazy about this book? The fact that he kept calling her ‘Baby’. And he kept passionately kissing her. Hell, he even ate out her sloppy cunt, and made her cum over and over. This is not what a Dominant does. This is what a lover does. So, I really don’t understand his character at all.

His actions say that he loves her. But he still doesn’t want her to touch him. And he still wants more than anything, to see her in pain. He wants to see those welts on her ass. And at the same time, he’s calling her fucking ‘Baby’. What the fuck? It doesn’t make any sense at all.

I was happy to see that in the end, she left him. After he really hurt her. She finally realized that hurting her was what he wanted most. He didn’t want love. He wanted punishment, and torture.

I don’t know where the hell the story can go from here. Is Christian going to learn to love, or is Ana going to finally turn into the slave girl he always wanted? Who knows. Part of me wants Ana to be the filthy slave girl. But another part of me wants to see Ana show up to Christian’s house and violently rape him in the ass with a huge black strap-on dildo. Yeah, that’d be sweet.

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  1. evamarasca says:

    3 out of 5. I’m kind of shocked. On the other hand, I read the book in a day…Please don’t read books 2 and 3…or do? Can’t decide if I want you to go through those specimens of literary garbage or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      So many people complain about the writing in this book. They say it’s just so bad. I don’t get it. It’s not good, but it’s not really that bad. I’ve read much, much worse. I might read the 2nd book, just to see what happens, I guess.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This review was hilarious! Personally I couldn’t get through the whole book, but your review has made me curious about the plot. Although, to be honest, Ill be watching the movie and it many sequels to satisfy that curiosity.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m surprised you enjoyed this as much as you did. Sociopath is right. And he is big on coercion instead of consent.

    And your guess at the end isn’t far off. It’s a but of both, but he, unfortunately, never gets the strap on in the ass.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is the funniest review I read by far. Loved how honestly you put it though.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. hollowman519 says:

    I gotta say I’m surprised the review doesn’t say something like “1 out of 5 prolapse burritos” or something. My wife tried the book and gave up 50 pages in. I think this is more on the rapey side than true BDSM

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      It’s not rapey, really. I guess you could say she was a bit coerced, but she did agree to it, and even enjoyed it, until he really hurt her in the end. And, what the fuck is a ‘prolapse burrito’? lolz


  6. Leona says:

    I am quite disappointed with you for giving this badly written book so many stars. It’s written with a vocabulary of 300 words and repeats the same phrases over and over like a broken record. The prose is lower quality than Google Translate translating Finnish. You are getting too soft, Glenn! Even one star is too much for that one.


  7. Leona says:

    Though I must admit the review is hilarious. I am not disappointed with the excellent humor, but rather the number of stars you gave, to make things clear 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my reviews are often contrary to popular opinion. Because they’re honest. I don’t give a flying fuck what everyone else thinks about the book. To me, it was entertaining. It wasn’t good, sure, but it was entertaining nonetheless.

      Maybe it’s because I’m a fucking retard. I dunno. But would you hate a song because it only used 3 chords? No. Same goes for this book. Your vocabulary doesn’t matter if you have a decent story and good characters.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Leona says:

    Honest opinion is the best. I wish you were my beta reader! A brutally honest review is quite valuable. There should be more bloggers like you who specialize on fantasy genre so I’ll know what not to buy 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I loved your pitch for the second novel. I haven’t read any of them but I know that would have been so much better.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve
    found something which helped me. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. gegrizzle says:

    You’re welcome. 🙂


  12. Nothing pisses me off more than when people say coercion is rape. A man wanting sex and trying hard to have sex and finally gets sex is not raping the woman. Emotional manipulation is a crappy way to get what you want, but it’s not abusive. We need to stop blurring the lines.

    That said. Great review. I, uh, gave it less stars. Because holy shit (cow, fuck) my inner goddess wouldn’t allow me to give any more than 2. I better stop before I start flushing crimson.
    Im off to go brew myself a cup of Twinning English Breakfast Tea!

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      I actually thought it was a decent story. I mean it actually gave reasons for Christian to be as fucked up as he is. And in the end, Ana wasn’t a victim. If anything, she was using him. Quite a lot of depth for a story that’s pretty much bondage porn. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

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