Wanting to Want – makes me want to umm…

Posted: March 19, 2015 in 4 Star Reviews, Non-Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

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4 of 5 Grade-School-Reading Stars – Wanting to Want by Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, M.D.

Being written by an actual doctor, you’d think that this book would be a dry-ass text-book. But it’s not. It’s just practical advice about sex that anyone can use. Hell, it even has exercises at the end of each chapter, so you and your partner can stare at each other and go, “Umm, why are we doing these exercises, when we could be fucking right now?

Well, at least that’s what the guy would say. Because, lets face it, men are simple creatures. But we’re not so simple when we can’t get it up. Quite complex, actually. Dr. Castellanos tells us about one of her patients in this book, a young man named Steven. He’s come to her (heh, I said come) because of his limp-dick problem.

But of course, that’s not all it is. It’s usually a mental issue, especially in young men. I mean, you don’t see young men popping Viagra pills, unless they’re porn stars. Apparently, Steven is stressed out. He has performance anxiety. So, this lovely sex therapist slowly massages his back with some baby oil, and proceeds to bang the ever-loving shit out of him on her suede couch.

Oh shit, my bad. That never happened. But still, that’d be cool, right? Isn’t that every man’s fantasy when they go to see a sex therapist? I’d like to think so. But no, she doesn’t have sex with him. Instead, she tells him to hold this little sea-shell in his hand. Feel the grooves. Experience the texture. No, don’t put it up your ass. Just feel it, man.

Finally, she does get Steven to come around (heh, I said come again!) and finally start to enjoy sex with a partner, and by himself.

This therapist gets a lot of lonely housewives in her office. No, I don’t mean ‘gets’ like she’s banging them in her office, I mean she gets a lot of housewife patients who are either bored, or overworked, or just hate their husbands so much, they can’t stand the thought of having sex with him.

She explains to them, “Look, I know your husband is an asshole, but doesn’t he have a huge cock?” And, of course, all of the women responded with, “Are you serious? It’s like one inch long, when erect. Why, what has he told you?”

Wait, what the fuck am I talking about. Oh yea, that’s my penis, my bad. Where was I? Oh yes, how this doctor helped these cold bitches finally come to terms (ha! Come again!) with what was really bothering them. Like Julie, who was pissed off that her husband never helped with the kids, never helped with the housework, and never licked her goddamn pussy.

And then there’s Susan, who worked too much. She had ‘dissociation’ issues, because she had trained her stupid lizard brain to ignore sex. Because there were more important things to do. She had the job, the kids, and all that happy horseshit to deal with. She didn’t have time for sex, goddamnit. So, Dr. Castellanous helped her realize her own sexuality once again, by re-associating sex with good, pleasurable things, instead of boring missionary things.

In the end, I’d say that this is a very well-written book that everyone should have to read when they’re in grade-school. Not in high school, in grade-school. Why? Because, that’s when all this shit starts to happen. In fucking grade-school, man. I remember it vividly. I gave a girl a box of chocolates for Valentine’s day, when I was in the fourth grade. She laughed in my face. So guess what? I never, EVER asked another girl out.

Literally. I just waited around until a girl asked me out. I wasn’t an ugly hag-beast back then, so my chances were still pretty good. But I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19, because not only would I refuse to ask a girl out, I’d also refuse to seal the deal. I literally needed someone with the balls to just grab my dick and shove it where it belonged.

Yes, it’s pathetic, I know. But still, my point is, read this book as early as you can. Because that shit sticks with you. And not every boy is going to find a woman like my wife, who’s got the brass balls to do what needs to be done.

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Comments
  1. ruckasaurus says:

    Lol dude…your writing style. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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