Patrizio – isn’t worth your time

Posted: March 25, 2015 in 2 Star Reviews, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , ,


2 of 5 Bored-Me-To-Tears Stars – Patrizio by David Tanager.

I really can’t recommend this story to anyone. Because it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth reading, that is. It’s only worth two stars because at least it’s well written. Other than that, it’s a complete waste of the few pages it occupies. Thirty-one pages of an old man’s drivel.

This is the story of love and loss. Of death and sorrow. A story of an old man contemplating suicide, and a young boy who tries to stop him. It’s set in a bar, apparently in Italy. But to me it obviously wasn’t in Italy, because the grammar wasn’t correct. But as long as the bad grammar is ‘well written’, it’s okay, right? Wrong.

At thirty-one pages, you would think that this story would just fly by, right? Well, you’d be wrong. It drags on and on and on. I kept thinking to myself, “When the bloody fuck is this story going to have a point? If ever.” And in the end, I guess it did have a point. But for such a short story, there was way too much useless filler.

I guess the point is this: “Fuck God! Fuck him in his dirty rotten asshole!” Or something to that effect. Because that’s what the old man is saying the entire time. He’s having a long-winded conversation with this boy in the bar, and he keeps telling the boy to forget that stupid cross around his neck. Piss on it. Throw it in the fucking street. Because, fuck God. He’s done nothing for nobody.

The old man tries to make the argument that suicide is a brave thing to do. Because there’s nothing on the other side. There’s no fucking heaven. It’s all bullshit. Or so he says. So, to take one’s life, you’re giving in to nothingness. You’re giving up this one chance you have to live. “That’s bravery,” he says.

On the other hand, if you believe you’re going to heaven, like some damn fool, then you’re a fucking coward to take the easy way out. Because you’re just being a goddamn pussy. You’re not being brave. You just want to go home to momma. You want to be coddled in heaven, like some goddamn sissy-boy. So, fuck that.

So, yes. There is a point to this story. But it takes too long to get there. And the point of the story isn’t worth the pages it’s printed on. The author could have just made his point on the first bloody page, and saved me a lot of time.

But no, I had to work for it. I had to dig through this sludge of a story to find the goddamn ‘point’ nugget. And when I finally found it, I just didn’t give a fuck anymore.

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  1. Lol. Refreshing approach to books. This critique reminds me of how I feel about Hemingway. Machismo, suicide, and all that “great” stuff. Too boring for me to take seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gegrizzle says:

    The only one I can really stand is Henry Miller. Tropic of Cancer was pure porn. lolz


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