The Healer – doesn’t want to heal

Posted: March 28, 2015 in 2 Star Reviews, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , ,

0heal

2 of 5 Stupid-Cunt Stars – The Healer by Christoph Fischer.

This book is very repetitive. “Heal me!” “No, I don’t want to. Fuck off.” “Come on, heal me please!” “No. Eat a dick.” “But but… I’ve got shit tons of money!” “Fine, give it to me. Now, kindly fuck off.”

This book is about a healing guru who is hiding out in the country on an old farm. He has no interest in practicing medicine anymore, because he was discredited many years ago. He used to heal people for ridiculous amounts of money. He’d literally require his clients to give him half of their net worth.

Of course, this screams ‘SCAM ARTIST’. But this stupid cunt, Erica, thinks he’s the real deal. She’s dying of cancer, and has plenty of money, and is happy to part with half of it, if this fucking hippy can actually cure her. So she seeks him out, and finds his farm only to be told ever so kindly to ‘fuck off’.

Because the healer doesn’t want to have anything to do with healing anymore. He’s done with that shit. It got him in so much trouble in the past that he’s not even the slightest bit interested in healing just one more person. But Erica is a persistent little cunt.

She argues with The Healer over and over, assuring him that she wouldn’t possibly tell anyone about his magical healing powers. No, she wouldn’t do that, no way. And she’s some powerful ad exec who doesn’t take no for an answer, so she just keeps at it, until he finally caves.

“Fine,” he says. “Give me all your money. Every last fucking penny. Then maybe I’ll treat you. Until I’ve got the cash, kindly fuck off.” So she gets the cash, and he does treat her, by injecting her with his magic jizz juice. No, he doesn’t actually fuck her. That would have made the story much more interesting. He just injects her with his magic jizz with a needle. Taking all the fun out of it. Fucking bastard.

But is his magic jizz really magic? Or is it just a cleverly disguised saline solution? Who’s to say. But he does cure her, and she goes on her merry way, broke as fuck.

Then there’s this whole conspiracy thing, about some drug company that wants to secure the rights to The Healer’s magic jizz juice. But of course, he wants no part of it. So there are lawsuits and blackmail, and all sorts of sneaky business going on.

Then Erica’s cancer comes back. Fucking great. Now we get to do all this shit all over again. Fuck me sideways. So no, I didn’t care for this book at all. It had some interesting plot twists in the end, but it was too little too late.

The entire time reading this, all I wanted was for someone to shoot that fucking twat Erica in her goddamn face. Because that’s really what she deserves. Cancer is just too good for her.

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Comments
  1. LOL. Thanks for your honesty Glen and for giving the book a shot. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gegrizzle says:

    You’re welcome. I really tried to like it. Wait, no I didn’t. lolz 😛

    Like

  3. Ken Dowell says:

    Sounds truly dreadful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gegrizzle says:

      There’s a quote that I love from an old Bloom County comic strip, where Opus is being a film critic and he says this: “It wasn’t that bad… But Lord, it wasn’t good.” A fitting quote for this book.

      Like

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