Dark Souls – eat at my brain

Posted: March 30, 2015 in 3 Star Reviews, Fantasy, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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3 of 5 Emo-Hades Stars – Dark Souls (Divine Darkness #1) by J.N. Colon.

Hades leaves the Underworld to go back to high school as a hot, brooding teenager. This has got to be a laugh riot, right? Not so much. In fact, it’s not even a little bit funny. It’s just silly, is what it is.

It’s silly because Hades goes to high school to retrieve some souls that escaped the Underworld, but he gets distracted by a shiny thing. A hot and shiny cheerleader. And he pines for her like a goddamn puppy dog. It’s so retarded. Since when was Hades such a sensitive faggot?

He roams around school, devouring random souls, like you do. Like the monster he’s supposed to be. But then Hartley wanders by and he just starts stammering like a pimply faced freshman. He must have her. But lo, what is this? She’s got a fucking boyfriend? Nooooooooooooooooo!

And then Thor shows up to the same goddamn high school. Hades is all like, “What the fuck man? Get your own goddamn high school.”

And Thor goes, “Hey bro. I’m just trying out for the football team, man. I hear they gots some fine ass cheerleaders at this school.”

Okay, so it’s not really Thor. It’s Hercules. But Thor’s more cooler. So, fuck you.

But Thor’s not a goddamn pussy, like Hades. Thor goes right on up to Hartley, Hades’ favorite cheerleader, and flirts with her mercilessly. Of course, Hartley’s boyfriend doesn’t take kindly to some Norse god hitting on his girl, especially when this book is about Greek gods.

After some harsh words, Hartley and her boyfriend finally do break up. Then, Hades swoops in for the kill. To finally finish his job, and take her soul back to the Underworld. Wait, no he doesn’t. Because he’s a goddamn pussy. So, he just starts stalking her. Following her around town. Hiding in her closet, and jacking off while she does her fucking homework.

I don’t understand this book. It’s a very uncharacteristic portrayal of these well-known Greek god archetypes. I mean, Hades is the good guy, and Thor (Hercules) is the bad guy? How does that make any fucking sense at all? It doesn’t. It’s fucking stupid.

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