The Cactus Killer – killed a cactus. Oh noes!

Posted: April 2, 2015 in 4 Star Reviews, Fantasy, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , ,


4 of 5 She-Bitch Stars – The Cactus Killer by Jeremy Croston.

This is a pretty cool book. It’s set in a small town in New Mexico named Full Moon. So, I have to assume there’s a big billboard welcome sign at the city border, with a huge bare ass image that says “Welcome to Full Moon, the Bare Ass city!”

But no, it probably has more to do with all the werewolves that live there. And vampires. Because for some reason, those two always go hand in hand. But at least in this story, they’re not fighting each other. They’re actually allies, working together to stop a madman from killing off both their species.

This book is about a war between good and evil. But it’s really hard to tell who the evil ones are. Because it’s not the vampires. They’re super cool. And it’s not the werewolves. They’re even cooler. I mean, the wolf packs are always throwing parties with pizza and beer. They’re like frat boys or something.

Vic, the local sheriff, teams up with Liz, a very old vampire to find out who’s running amok and killing off vampires. They think it has to be some psycho human. Probably a white dude. Because white guys are fucking crazy. Especially religious ones.

So of course Vic and the sexy Liz go off to investigate the church. Because if there’s evil anywhere, it’s at the church, right? I mean, come on… Those religious weirdos are bat-shit crazy. And sure enough, they find a monster hanging out at the church, picking up on altar boys.

No, it’s not the priest. I mean, sure, most priests are monsters. But this was a real monster. Put together like fucking Frankenstein. All green and shit, like the motherfucking Hulk. Apparently he was the product of some crazy experiment. Mixing werewolf and vampire blood to create some kind of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde monster.

A battle ensues, and it turns out that Mr. Hyde is also part Wolverine. Because Vic shoots that fucker right in the face, and the monster just grows back a new one. Damn. Seriously? Sick ’em, she bitch! So Liz goes all bloodlust crazy, and tears the monster to shreds. Because you don’t fuck with a vampire on the rag.

I liked this book because it was fun and lighthearted. It also had a nice cast of vibrant characters to work with. The story wasn’t even as predictable as I first thought. There were many surprises in the end, which is always nice. But come on, man. Not even one sex scene? No doggie/vampire sex? I am slightly disappointed.

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