The One Path – is one to avoid

Posted: April 9, 2015 in 2 Star Reviews, Fantasy, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

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2 of 5 Prelude-To-Hoseshit Stars – The One Path by Larry S. Gerovac.

You know what really pisses me off? When a book is just a prelude to a series. There’s no beginning, middle, and end to this book. It’s just the beginning. And there’s no fucking conclusion whatsoever. It’s bullshit, is what it is.

This book is the story of Thomas, God’s last prophet. He’s just some average jackass. He’s not even particularly religious. But one of God’s angels came to him in a vision, and told him to lead the people to victory. To fight the battle with the demons who seek to destroy the world.

So Thomas wakes from his vision and says, “Alrighty then…” And takes off to Rome, to see the Pope. I’m not sure why he set out to seek the Pope’s wisdom. I mean Thomas isn’t even Catholic. And it’s not like the Pope can tell him anything that God’s angels can’t. Plus, the Pope’s people are probably just gonna think Thomas is bat-shit insane.

But Thomas gets lucky. He bumps into a nun who listens to his story. Because she’s an old lady who’s not playing with a full deck of cards. Thomas spouts some religious text to her, and she immediately believes him to be God’s last prophet. So she fast-tracks him to see the Pope.

Once Thomas finally gets to meet His Holiness, the Pope bashes Thomas upside the head with a staff. Because, apparently that’s how you tell if someone is a demon, or just plain human. Because demons heal faster. And Thomas just stood there with a stupid look on his face, as blood dribbled down his face.

“Well, shit…” the Pope said. “I guess you’re not a demon after all.” And then they have a long pointless conversation. Because the whole meeting was pointless. There’s nothing the Pope can tell you that’s gonna help with anything, Thomas. He’s just a man, like you.

Thomas goes off to fight the good fight against the demons with his trusty sidekick, Myrrh. Because all religious crusaders need their own personal computer hacker, apparently. Oh yea, and Myrrh can channel angels and demons and stuff. And he can tell when things are real, or imaginary. Quite the useful sidekick.

And then there’s the whole antichrist thing. The devil impregnated some young girl to birth his hellspawn, but he doesn’t do it the fun way. He doesn’t actually fuck her. No, that’d be cool. We can’t have that. No, he just takes her to his evil lab and impregnated her with some evil plasma super-sperm, or something. With a fucking needle and a petri dish. No dick required. Man, some demons just don’t know how to party.

And then the book ends. Okay, not right there, but soon after the hell-spawn is born. It just ends. Thomas and his sidekick aren’t any closer to stopping the evil demons, and God finally decides that Thomas is a useless fuckstick. The end.

Seriously? Come on, man. This is fucking bullshit. It’s like just as the book was finally getting interesting, it ends. I was bored out of my mind, until the last few chapters. I actually got interested in the story. And then it ends on a motherfucking cliffhanger.

I know I’ve been on kind of a 2 star rampage lately. But it’s not my fault. Authors keep sending me these bullshit books, and it’s pissing me off. Somebody please send me a good book to read. I’m really getting sick and tired of reading horseshit.

Get my book, Glenn Hates Books Vol. 1. It’s free, with Kindle Unlimited.

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