Rarity from the Hollow – is rare indeed

Posted: June 13, 2015 in 4 Star Reviews, Fiction, Sci-Fi
Tags: , , , , , , ,

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4 of 5 Fucked-In-The-Head Stars – Rarity from the Hollow by Robert Eggleton.

This book is fascinating. And then, just when you thought it was going to get even more awesome, it goes full-on derpy derp, and gets stupid as fuck. It pissed me off so much. I don’t know why books fail so often at being awesome throughout. It’s like they just lose their mojo halfway through, and say ‘fuck it’. Or in this author’s case, I’m pretty sure he just got high as balls and just started pulling shit out of his ass.

This book is about a twelve-year-old girl named Lacy Dawn, and her android boyfriend from another planet, aptly named DotCom. I say it’s apt, because DotCom is responsible for all the email spam in the entire universe. And there’s actually a big spammer in the real world named Kim DotCom. So that kind of cracked me up.

Now, I’m not going to keep calling this stupid girl ‘Lacy Dawn’. Because if you tell me your name is ‘Lacy Dawn’, I’m going to call you ‘Lacy’. I mean, that just makes sense to me. Until I’m corrected, anyway. Nobody in this story ever even tries to call this girl ‘Lacy’, and I find that absolutely ridiculous.

Lacy has a very dysfunctional family. Her dad is a stoned-out drunk fucker that is suffering from PTSD from the Gulf war. He beats the ever-loving shit out of his wife and Lacy all the time. You know, for fun. He does it the old-fashioned way, with a switch. Or for them city-folk, a branch from a tree.

Which is fine, because Lacy has actual conversations with trees. Oh, and ghosts. Well, one ghost. Her name is Faith, and she lives in a tree. And she’s a fucking asshole. But she does have good advice for Lacy from time to time.

The two-thousand-year-old DotCom android devises an evil plan to save Lacy’s parents. He’s gonna hack their motherfucking brains, and make them better. Because he’s sick and fucking tired of seeing his little student get beaten by her parents.

You see, he doesn’t even recognize that Lacy thinks he’s her boyfriend. He’s just an android doing a job. Securing Lacy’s employment for a very important mission. To save the world, of course.

And this is where it goes full-on derpy derp. You see, to save the world, Lacy must go shopping in the biggest mall in the universe. No, not to get supplies, or something. That would make sense. No, she needs to go shopping to save the world. Like nobody is better at shopping than Lacy and her new and improved parents.

And yes, Lacy introduced DotCom as her boyfriend, and her parents were of course shocked. That is, until they noticed he was lounging around naked, and he had no cock or balls to speak of. Just smooth as a fucking Barbie doll down there. But not to worry, he learns how to grow some junk later, when he finally accepts Lacy’s love.

But wait, there’s an evil cockroach plot! I mean the goddamn cockroaches are taking over the mall. And they’re taking over Lacy’s dad’s pot farm. Because of course he has a fucking pot farm. Because you would have to be high as fucking balls to write this shit. And the characters are constantly getting high, because apparently, you can’t even participate in this story without being high as balls.

The last third of this book is about DotCom teaching Lacy’s dog to communicate with roaches. So they can figure out what the fuck is going on. What can they do to help the roaches? Get ’em to move the fuck out of the mall, and out of dad’s fucking pot crop. But seriously, if you can train the dog to talk to the roaches, why couldn’t you just train Lacy to do it? Oh because it’s cool to actually have a conversation with a dog. Which pretty much always goes like this: “Gimme bacon!”

So with the help of Lacy’s dog, they negotiate a treaty with the roaches, and find them a new home. Well, it’s not a new home. It’s just the home they left thousands of years ago. But it’s good as new now. So they move in and decide to call it ‘Earth’.

This book really was fucking crazy. None of it made any fucking sense. It was a total cluster-fuck from beginning to end. And I fucking loved it. Because the author’s writing style was absolutely brilliant. He weaved in first person and third person narratives like every other paragraph. And the imagination on this guy… Damn.

GET WASTED! You may want to be high as balls before reading my book. It confuses sober people. http://amzn.to/1wKcVK6

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Comments
  1. ruckasaurus says:

    LOL…your reviews, man. 🙂 It was kind of hard to tell whether you liked it or were disgusted with it until the end…and I’m still kind of on the wall. Bit of both?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gegrizzle says:

    I really did like this book. It was so bloody unpredictable. And completely insane. But yes, there were parts where I was like “What???” that just didn’t make any fucking sense. Still a great book though.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. roberteggleton says:

    Unsolicited Top 100 Amazon Book Reviewer posted five stars today: “…This is one brilliant book and Highly Recommended for all readers – for entertainment and reinforcement of much needed values.” 9-18-15

    Like

  4. Stoners Unite to Prevent Child Abuse, Also See Book Review at: http://mountainrhinestones.blogspot.com/2015/06/review-giveaway-rarity-from-hollow-by.html

    Comment if you agree!

    Like

  5. Awesome Indies Gold Medal:

    “…a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, only instead of the earth being destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass, Lacy Dawn must…The author has managed to do what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse, and written about them with tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them…Eggleton sucks you into the Hollow, dunks you in the creek, rolls you in the mud, and splays you in the sun to dry off. Tucked between the folds of humor are some profound observations on human nature and modern society that you have to read to appreciate…it’s a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy….”

    “…profound…funny …sci-fi”

    http://awesomeindies.net/ai-approved-review-of-rarity-from-the-holly-by-robert-eggleton/

    Liked by 1 person

  6. […] be legalized. If your readers want to support the concept by making a comment, or to check out a zany book review of Rarity from the […]

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    • roberteggleton says:

      Second Edition of Rarity from the Hollow scheduled for release by Dog Horn Publishing on 9-30-16. Blurb: Lacy Dawn’s father relives the Gulf War, her mother’s teeth are rotting out, and her best friend is murdered by the meanest daddy on Earth. Life in the hollow is hard. She has one advantage — an android was inserted into her life and is working with her to cure her parents. But, he wants something in exchange. It’s up to her to save the Universe. Lacy Dawn doesn’t mind saving the universe, but her family and friends come first.

      Rarity from the Hollow is adult literary science fiction filled with tragedy, comedy and satire.

      “The most enjoyable science fiction novel I have read in years.”
      —Temple Emmet Williams, Author, former editor for Reader’s Digest

      “Quirky, profane, disturbing… In the space between a few lines we go from hardscrabble realism to pure sci-fi/fantasy. It’s quite a trip.”
      — Evelyn Somers, The Missouri Review

      . “…a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse…tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them…profound…a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy.” — Awesome Indies (Gold Medal)

      “…sneaks up you and, before you know it, you are either laughing like crazy or crying in despair, but the one thing you won’t be is unmoved…a brilliant writer.” –Readers’ Favorite (Gold Medal)

      “Rarity from the Hollow is an original and interesting, naughty story of a backwoods girl, who saves the Universe, in her fashion. Not for the prudish.” —Piers Anthony, New York Times bestselling author

      . “…Good satire is hard to find and science fiction satire is even harder to find.” — The Baryon Review

      Named one of the best books read in 2015 by Codices, a Bulgarian book critic site. And, the second edition is better!

      Liked by 1 person

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