Dark Matters – is not nearly dark enough

Posted: July 8, 2015 in 3 Star Reviews, Fiction, Horror
Tags: , , , , , , ,

0leon

3 of 5 Useless-As-Fuck Stars – Dark Matters: Two tales of Crime and Madness by Andrew Leon Hudson.

This book does not contain ‘two tales of crime and madness’. It’s one tale of ‘crime and madness’ and one tale of bullshit. And it’s even hard to say that the first one is about crime. There’s a murder, sure. But it’s more about love and madness really.

The first story is about a dripping faucet in some guy’s kitchen. And it’s driving him fucking insane. I’m not sure why. I mean, just fix the fucking thing. How hard is that? But no. He’s got to argue about it with his girlfriend, and stab her in the heart for no apparent reason.

And then, he figures he’d better call the cops. Because he’s done a bad, naughty, evil thing. And he should be punished, or something. So, a huge smart-ass cop comes to the door. He’s an asshole. And he notices that this guy has got a leaky faucet. So he looks under there, and sure enough, there’s a leaky faucet, along with a leaky girlfriend.

But here’s where the madness comes in. Because I’m pretty sure that this cop didn’t exist. He was just a figment of this guy’s imagination. Because there’s no cop in the world that would act as wacky as this strange cop. So it had to be in this guy’s head. Which is cool, because it made the story very fun to read.

The second story in this book is about the manager of a comedy club. A rather dark comedy club. Where they talk about fucking Jesus in the ass, and giving Satan a bloody hand job. That’s fine and dandy, but it wasn’t much of a story.

It’s just about some comedians who want to quit the gig. It’s about how comedy is just allowing people to wallow in their misery. It doesn’t solve anything. It just allows the audience to pause reality for a few seconds. To take a laughter vacation, if you will.

But thankfully, someone does at least die in this story. I was hoping that all the comedians, along with their hapless manager would just have a huge suicide pact and blow the place up or something. That would have been fun. But no, it’s really just endless drivel.

I can’t say that I’d really recommend this book to anyone. I’d recommend the first story, for sure. But the second story just ruins it. So if you want to read this book, just skip the second story. Because it’s just completely useless and pointless. It doesn’t deserve to be in the same volume as the first story. It deserves to be skull-fucked to death. Preferably in front of a cheering audience.

I’M LOOSING MY MIND! ha got you to look. Thankfuly my book was edited by a grammar natzi but my blogs arn’t. Check out my book at amazon: http://amzn.to/1wKcVK6

Also, check out Andrew Leon Hudson’s blog here.

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