Carry the Knight – isn’t worth carrying

Posted: July 28, 2015 in 2 Star Reviews, Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , ,

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2 of 5 Fucked-In-The-Head Stars – Carry the Knight by Miguel Lopez de Leon.

This is a very important review. It will change your life forever, and inspire countless millions to rise up and take control of their lives. It will be the cornerstone of a new civilization. Monuments will be built because of this review. People will bow down, and praise me as some sort of oracle. For I am Glenn. And I fucking hate this goddamn book.

Of course, all of that is a lie. This isn’t an important review, just as this isn’t an important book. In fact, it’s a completely useless book. It doesn’t accomplish anything, except being full of itself.

The protagonist is a struggling writer. A fairy appears to help him write his all-important book. Because this book is special. It must be written. It will inspire people, and help the world in so many ways… Or so this so-called fairy thinks.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense why this fairy would appear to this stupid fucking writer. It’s said that no fairy, or magical creature has EVER appeared before. They hide from us. But they chose this fucktard of a writer to appear to. Why the bloody fuck didn’t they show up and tell Hitler to stop with all the fucking murder? Why now? Why this fucking loser? There’s absolutely no explanation, except for helping him finish the ‘important’ book that he’s writing.

Which is not a reason at all, considering the book the fairy is referring to is this same fucking book. Carry the Knight. Which isn’t inspirational at all. In fact it’s downright insulting to my intelligence. And that’s hard to do, considering how fucking retarded I am.

The only reason I gave this book two stars instead of one, is because there was at least some value to it. The fairy-world building was actually quite interesting. Some evil fairies come out to play, and attack the hapless writer. So his fairy guardian protects him, and builds a bubble around his apartment. And then the boss-fairy comes into the picture and negotiates a treaty with the evil fairies. And all is well.

So there’s like one percent of this book that’s worth reading. The rest of it is utter dogshit. What really kills me is the fact that this is an actual published book, and not just some self-published work. I can see someone self-publishing garbage like this, but for an actual publisher to pick up this junk just pisses me right the fuck off. It’s an insult to real writers, goddamnit.

And if this review didn’t really change your life, then you know exactly how I felt after reading this fucking book. I felt cheated. And raped. ‘Important book’ my ass. After tearing up this book and eating it piece by piece, I’m going to build a monument to it in my toilet. I’ll call it ‘Ode to de Leon’.

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Comments
  1. Paul J. Stam says:

    Damn, but I do like you reviews! Someday I’m going to send you one of my books so you can tear the hell out if it. – Have a good day and Aloha-pjs/

    Liked by 1 person

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