An End to the Thrill – thank god there’s an end

2 of 5 Retarded-As-Fuck Stars – An End to the Thrill by Varun Kumar

This ‘book’ of short stories isn’t really a book. It’s only 52 pages, nine of which are filler bullshit. Dedications and such. Who the fuck cares? Why does it take nine fucking pages to get to the first goddamn story? It’s retarded. Such a waste of space. Hell, that wasted space is longer than most of the stories in this stupid collection.

Most of the stories are set in some kind of alternate reality or future. They’re science-fiction stories, which I usually like. But I didn’t like most of these stories. Mostly because they didn’t make any fucking sense. Or they required me to actually think. I don’t read stories to think, goddamnit. Just tell me what happened, for fuck’s sake. Is that too much to ask? Why do I have to guess and make my own goddamn conclusion? Isn’t that your responsibility as the writer? I guess not.

The first story in this collection is about a guy trying to make it rich with time travel. But either the character is retarded, or the author is. Probably both. Because the guy tells his wife he wants to see how his investments will do over twenty years, and tells her he’ll be back in five minutes. Apparently his plan was to go into the future twenty years, and check on his investments. Then return and change his investments accordingly.

Well, this doesn’t make any fucking sense. First of all, he placed the money in a trust, supposedly. That’s not usually an investment. Then, we find out he didn’t actually put the money in a trust. He hid it somewhere. Or something.

So, he shows up again, back from the future, and asks his wife, “So, what’s our money worth now?” Which also doesn’t make any fucking sense. Because she had no fucking access to the money. And wasn’t it his idea to go into the future to see what his investments would be worth? What the bloody fuck is going on? Why would he ask her? I just don’t get it.

The only story I actually liked also made no fucking sense whatsoever. A guy has an evil plan to get rich by buying lottery tickets every day. So yeah, that’s like the worst plan ever. So his wife leaves him for a guy who’s already rich. Cool. But the lottery guy wants revenge. So he keeps playing the lottery until he actually hits it big. So he invests in a huge scam where he starts a rumor that the world is going to end in ten years. And he puts up a billboard saying he’s got the only safe spot to watch the end of the world from. You know, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe style.

The catch is, you have to put up all your money in order to visit this so-called restaurant. And sure enough, only one couple on Earth is stupid enough to fall for this scam. The lottery guy and her rich lover. Seriously? That’s convenient. And also completely retarded. But still a slightly interesting story.

I really wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone. It’s pretty much a waste of time. Unless you happen to like being confused. But even if being confused is your thing, there are plenty of other books more worthy of your time. Actual BOOKS, not just short collections, like this one. All in all, I was glad there was an end to this ‘thrill’. Heh.