Archive for the ‘4 Star Reviews’ Category

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4 of 5 Virtual-Virus Stars – Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson.

This is a crazy tech-infused romp of a book. Its virtual world and real world are equally impressive, and fascinating. I think I was first hooked by this book when the protagonist was introduced. I mean, his name is Hiro Protagonist for Christ’s sake. And he’s a fucking pizza delivery boy for the goddamn Mafia.

Can you ask for a more interesting protagonist than that? I think not. He even has a fucking business card that reads “Last of the freelance hackers and Greatest swordfighter in the world.” I highly doubt that he is, in fact, the greatest swordfighter in the world, but just the fact that he thinks he is makes his character that much more interesting.

This book is the story of a virus named ‘Snow Crash’ that infects the virtual world as well as the real world. It’s used as a drug, and a computer virus. And Hiro’s best friend is hooked on it. He’s a fucking junkie. So Hiro uses his mad hacking skills to uncover the truth about Snow Crash.

The truth about Snow Crash, is that it was developed by a crazy religious cult that live on a huge barge out in the fucking ocean. Hiro and his new-found friend, a skateboard girl named Y.T. travel to the barge and try to stop Snow Crash from destroying both the real world and the virtual.

I loved this book because it was an exciting technological adventure. I hated it because it was way too goddamn complicated. I mean, the author created a whole new language for this fucking book. A whole new religion. A whole new world. It’s just too much. It would have been so much better if it was just the Snow Crash story, about how it’s destroying the world, and all that shit.

Often times, authors saturate their work with unnecessary details. They pad the pages with tons of horseshit, and they forget how to end a fucking story. They just end up rambling on and on, until they finally get frustrated with their own work, and just tack on whatever ending comes to mind.

It fucking pisses me off. Stephen King is the worst example of this, but there are plenty more authors who write 500 page books, when it would have been much better as a 300 page book. Snow Crash is in that same category. It would have been a much better 300 page book.

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4 of 5 Sassy-Ass-Bitch Stars – The Letters by Ella Drayton.

I really enjoyed this book. It caught me off guard. I was in the middle of reading a book, when someone handed me this one. As usual, I flipped through the first few pages of this book, just out of curiosity. Totally expecting to put it aside and finish the other book I was reading.

But I couldn’t do it. I just kept reading this book because I was captivated from the first page. I can’t really explain it. I mean usually, I’ll look at a synopsis on goodreads or amazon before reading a book. But with this one, I didn’t even bother.

I had no fucking clue what this book was about, and yet I kept on reading it. It seemed to be some sort of love story about a foul-mouthed bitch, and her asshole ex. I don’t know why I kept reading it, because I fucking hate romance novels. Somehow, I was transfixed on this goddamn book. The characters just sucked me in.

And then, out of nowhere, the story turns into a murder mystery. I didn’t even know that the main character was a fucking cop. But apparently, she really is a detective. A sassy one, at that. And some jackass is sending her letters, giving her clues to where dead bodies can be found.

Clues that are a bit umm… Personal. So she goes and arrests her old boyfriend from high school, because the body turned out to be the guy’s fucking fiance. So, of course he killed her, right? He’s so fucking guilty. He lies to the detective, and can’t provide an alibi.

I mean, it’s so obvious he’s guilty that he can’t possibly be guilty. Then, the sassy cop chick gets another letter describing yet another location from her past love life. A location where another body can be found. And guess what, the cop chick’s old boyfriend can be tied to that place as well.

I want to say that the best part of this book was the story, because it kept me guessing until the end. I never figured out who the killer was, until they were finally revealed. But that’s not really the best part. The best part of this book is the characters. They’re what kept my eyes glued to the page.

That being said, I still had my issues. For instance, I’m not sure if this author understands what the fuck ‘dialog’ means. It’s supposed to be a discussion. Not two people having monologues with each other. Because that’s what the dialog in this book seemed like. Characters would go on and on for pages, as they were supposedly having a discussion with someone, without anyone interrupting.

It’s just not natural. People don’t talk like that. Give me some back and forth, for fuck’s sake. That’s how people talk. Nobody talks for half an hour, then lets the other person talk for half an hour. That’s fucking retarded. I could understand if it was just one couple doing this, but it was every fucking character in this book. Talking for pages on end, without any real dialog.

That doesn’t negate the fact that it’s a great book. I’d highly recommend it, even with the back and forth monologues. It was still captivating and fun to read.

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4 of 5 Dead-Sexy Stars – Dead Scary by Sally Gould.

One time, a friend of mine was arguing with me about the existence of God. We went back and forth for quite a while, until he asked, “Well, what about ghosts?”

“Umm, ghosts aren’t real, man” I replied.

But this book makes me wonder. Because the relationships that Adam has with ghosts seem very real. I mean, his best friend is a ghost. But this book isn’t about friendly ghosts, it’s about an angry ghost who wants his house back.

But Adam isn’t afraid. In fact, he taunts the ghost that haunts his house. “Bring it on!” he says. “Oh, you’ve got Warrior Spirits that are going to drag me out of my house kicking and screaming? Heh. Sure you do.”

But there really are Warrior Spirits. They’re like a SWAT team for the spirit world. They show up, guns blazing, and evict whomever they please. Okay, they don’t really have guns. That’d be silly. But they got flaming swords, at least. That’ll scare em!

But it doesn’t scare Adam. He knows the SWAT team is on its way, and he doesn’t care. He’s got an ace in his back pocket. His grandpa has fought ghosts for ages, and he gives Adam the advice he needs to fight off the ghostly SWAT team.

Apparently, Archangel Michael is an instant-win card for the living. All you have to do is call on him, and wham-o, Archangel Michael shows up, and saves the day. It’s a good thing too, because the SWAT team had filled Adam’s house with smoke, and covered it in ghostly ice. It was looking pretty nasty, until Archie showed up.

So, don’t be afraid of ghosts. If they’re real, you can always call on uncle Archie to help you out. Just don’t try to have a conversation with the guy… He’s kind of anti-social.

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4 of 5 Anal-Probe Stars – Barney’s Choice by Stanislava D. Kohut.

This is an interesting short story, and it’s very well told. It’s the story of what happens when you’re given a chance to change your past. A story of fascinating aliens, who have the power to control your mind, and your body. They can wield your body like a puppet, and do with you as they please.

Barney is the captain of a spaceship, investigating the moon. Apparently, the powers that be think there may be alien lifeforms skulking about. So, Barney goes on a walkabout on the moon. He leaves his fellow shipmates behind, and goes off into the barren wasteland, to find the so-called aliens.

And so, he did. He found their ship in the middle of a huge moon crater. The tall, muscular aliens grabbed him from his perch, behind a rock. They took him to their ship, and introduced him to their beautiful female leader.

She instantly took control of Barney’s mind and body. She made him say things. She made him do things. Things he’s not proud of. And then, she decided that she’d had enough of her plaything, and she touched Barney’s forehead, and sent him back into the past, back to his old house, when he was 13 years old.

Back to when his parents were arguing. His mother was drunk off her ass, and his father was so angry that the house was so goddamn filthy. And why isn’t there food on the fucking table? Come on, clean my boots, woman! We all know how that kind of argument ends.

Apparently, in Barney’s real past, he had chosen to stay with his father. Because at least his father wasn’t a drunken floozy. But in this new past, Barney was given a choice. He sees both his futures, as his parents are arguing. He gets to view what each choice would cause.

And then, he’s back with his crew, as if nothing had happened. This really is a very creative story. I loved the descriptions of the aliens. It’s very unique. And the advanced technology of the aliens was well described, and it made me wonder if such things were possible.

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4 of 5 Not-Really-A-Ghost Stars – Ghost by John Ringo.

Some stupid, hormone-infused teenager must have written this book. Because that’s the only way I can explain all the hot naked chicks in this story. Why’d they have to be naked? I mean yes, of course I want them to be naked. But is there really any reason for them to be naked? Not really.

This book tells the story of some fucked-up terrorist organization that kidnaps several hot college chicks. They strip the girls naked, and chain them to a few rows of benches in a hot, sweaty room.

The terrorists make a video, showing the hot chained up girls. Telling the United States government to go fuck themselves. “We gots all yer womens, motherfuckers. Suck a dick! Yeah! Fuck America!”

Enter Michael ‘The Ghost’ Harmon. He’s a retired special forces guy, who gets his nickname ‘The Ghost’ because he’s a sneaky motherfucker. You’ll never see him coming.

Ghost witnesses one of the kidnappings, and trails the van all the way to the terrorist hideout. He hangs out in the vents of the warehouse, biding his time, just like Bruce Willis in Die Hard. “So this is what a TV dinner feels like…”

It’s the Ghost against probably 50 or more bad guys. He takes them out one by one. Saves the naked girls, and gets a sloppy blowjob for a reward.

It’s a very simple story. Not very much depth to it. Like I said, It’s like a fucking pimpled-faced teenager wrote it. It’s just trashy fun, with no substance. And I loved it.

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4 of 5 50-Shades-Of-Anal Stars – Merissa by Emma Jaye.

I actually enjoyed this book. It’s hardcore BDSM, which is always fun. But this book isn’t stupid, like that ridiculous Fifty Shades of Grey. No, this book describes BDSM as it should be. Where the Dom actually protects, and cares for his Sub.

Fifty Shades is more about abuse, and mental illness. It’s about BDSM gone wrong. This book describes how BDSM can be a good, healthy relationship. With immense pleasure, on both sides. In fact, it describes something called ‘subspace’, which is like a runner’s high.

When the call-girl, Marissa first experienced subspace, she described it like the first time she tried marijuana. She was out of her mind, high as balls, as she was bound and fucked furiously. She was so baked on sex, that she hardly remembered what happened.

This book is about a plain, twenty-something woman, who works a shitty job at a call center. She gets together with some of her friends, and gets drunk on red wine. One of the friends suggests to Merissa that she turn tricks. Because, that’s what friends are for.

Of course, Merissa doesn’t want to be a whore. Not a street-walker, at least. But her friends explain the arrangement. It’s a high-class call-girl type of deal. Their clients are super-rich guys who pay ten grand a session. And one of their new clients wants a fresh Sub. Someone who’s not into the scene. A girl he can start fresh with, like a clean canvas.

Merissa is perfect for this client, because she’s fucking clueless. She thinks she might want to try the Sub part out, but she’s not sure. She meets up with the rich-guy client, and they have mad, passionate Dom/Sub sex, like they’ve been doing it for years.

This is the problem that I have with this book. It’s said that neither Merissa, or her client, Sully, have had any experience with the BDSM scene. They’re supposedly BDSM virgins, so to speak. So how the fuck do they just fall into the roles so easily? There’s no struggle. No conflict about the inherent dangers of such a relationship.

That’s one thing that Fifty Shades got right. At least there was some fucking conflict in that story. In this story, everything they do is just fucking awesome. Nipple clamps? Sure, that’s just wonderful. A spanking? Oh, yes please, that’s marvelous. Fuck that shit, goddamnit. Give me some struggle, some conflict and resolution. Is that too much to ask?

But no. Everything in this book is just happy-joy-joy fucking. And the rich fuck Sully asks the plain Merissa to marry him, of course. It’s all just a girly fantasy. Well, except for the hardcore ass fucking. And the best line of this book: “he hit her g spot from inside her ass.”

Seriously? He hit her g-spot from inside her ass? That’s fucking awesome, and completely retarded.

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4 of 5 Not-Totally-Gay Stars – Broken Angels by Richard K. Morgan.

The sexy man-beast Takeshi Kovacs is back in action, for yet another adventure! Yay! Get that sexy hunk a stripper pole to dance around. Don’t bother with the g-string. Just let that hot wang flap in the breeze for us all to drool over.

Damn. That sounded gay. I’m not 100% gay, okay? But goddamn. I’m 90000% gay for Takeshi Kovacs. I guess it’s because he’s just so good at what he does. He always wins. If it’s mind games, a sword fight, a shootout, or a straight-out brawl, Kovacs will win every time. Because he’s just that fucking good.

Okay, enough of my drool…

This book is about Kovacs teaming up with yet another group of mercenaries, to recover an important alien artifact. You see, pretty much all of the high-tech stuff in their world, they stole from the aliens.

The problem is, those aliens were smart as fuck, and they put fun little booby traps in and around most of their artifacts, to wreak havoc with any fool who tries to snatch up such valuable items.

It’s crazy, because all the aliens are long past dead. Like centuries past dead. But their ghosts haunt the artifacts. Not real ghosts, of course. That’d be silly. I mean hologram type ghosts and such. Defense ghosts.

This story isn’t quite as good as the other Kovacs books, simply because there’s much less anal porn. Hardly any fucking at all happens in this book. It’s so sad. How can anyone deny such a hunky man-beast?

Dammit. Now I’ve got to go scour the interwebs for hot Kovacs slash fic. Because he’s so heterosexual in these books, that it actually offends me. How dare you keep that huge cock, just for the womens. How dare you!

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4 of 5 Golden-Ticket Stars – Ready Player One by Ernest Cline.

So, Willy Wonka and the virtual world. That’s what this book is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It still makes for a very interesting book. But I still had some issues with it.

The “Ready Player One” bit, for instance. That is a phrase for arcade games, or console games, where there are possibilities of a second player. The way this game is described, everyone has their own console, or actually a visor that logs them into the virtual world. There’s never a second player. At no time would this game ask “Ready Player One”.

That argument aside, this is a very cool book. A compelling read that is only mostly predictable. I mean, from the very beginning, you find out that the protagonist will in fact be the one who wins the contest. So, the rest of the book is just the story of the journey of how he got there.

It’s not very often that an author spoils the entire book from the very first page, but this author does it with style. He’s all “Fuck you, man! This is what’s going to happen… Deal with it.” *Puts on sunglasses*.

This book is about a virtual reality game that everyone on the planet is pretty much addicted to. The creator of the game dies, and wills his vast fortune to whomever can find and solve the many Easter eggs that he scattered throughout the game. It’s a crazy, fun adventure, most of the time.

I’m not going to mention the completely impossible bits that make no sense. Because that would be nit-picky. And, I’m not a nit-picker, damnit. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m totally a nit-picker. Okay, maybe I’ll mention just one bit that made no sense whatsoever. Like the fact that the protagonist spent hours on an arcade version of Ms. Pac-Man, to get a perfect score.

There was no reason for him to do this. He did not know there would be a reward from this accomplishment, that would win him the entire contest. So, why did he set forth to get the perfect score? Just because he has crazy OCD? He never had OCD before that… So, yea. Doesn’t make sense at all.

It was still a very fun book to read. But yea, fuck Willy Wonka. Fuck him in his dirty chocolate asshole.

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4 of 5 Unemployed Stars – Lyric the Unknown by Jim Maher.

This is a great book. I fucking loved it. Maybe it’s because I played the violin as a child, or maybe it’s because it’s a complete rip-off of In the After, but I don’t care. It’s still fucking awesome.

It’s the story of a young girl who hates her fucking violin. I can relate, because I hated mine too. I couldn’t play for shit. I couldn’t even read music. But one time, I was glad I had it with me. A few bullies cornered me as I was walking to school. But they soon left me alone as I raised my violin case and said “Bring it, bitches!”

Young Lyric was practicing her violin one day, when all the sudden, the end of the world came. She could see people running and screaming in the streets below her building, as monsters took over the city. Her sister and mother were taken, shrouded in a cocoon, and dragged to the bowels of the city.

Lyric wakes up 50 years later, still clutching her violin and bow. She uses her violin to bust out of the cocoon, and finds herself in complete darkness. Soon, she is chased by hideous monsters. She flees, finds some stairs, and is saved by a kind stranger.

She awakes to a whole new world. The world of The Heights, where it’s safe from the monsters. Because, apparently the monsters are like vampires or something. They burn in sunlight, so they stay in the bowels of the city.

Lyric is introduced to The Council, where they discuss her future. She’s told that she is an ‘Unknown’, which to me was quite a mysterious thing. What does it mean? Does she have like super-powers, or something? No, it just means that she doesn’t have a job. Seriously? That’s so fucking retarded. I expected so much more from the ‘Unknown’ idea, but I guess the author didn’t have time to come up with something cool. Damn.

She’s put through a test, where they try to find out what she’s good for. What can she do? Can she be a Healer? Fuck no. A map-maker? No fucking way. She’s fucking useless. She fails all the tests, and is doomed to exile, unless she can make herself useful.

So, out of boredom, she busts out her violin, and plays some music. And somehow, everyone is amazed. They’ve never heard music before. Seriously? Okay, it’s 50 years in the future. So, it’s what, 2065? How the fuck none of these people have heard music before, I don’t understand. I mean, nobody sings in the shower? Come on…

It’s explained, sort of. The creator of this world had a flaw in his design. Music fucks everything up. So, he bans it. That still doesn’t explain why someone wouldn’t sing in the shower. It doesn’t explain the complete lack of knowledge that music ever existed. I mean, murder is against the law, but it happens every day anyway. There’s just no way you can completely remove music from a society.

Parts of this book needed more detail. The so-called testing, for instance. It’s like she entered the testing area, talked to some testing bitch, and it’s over. Next chapter. What the bloody fuck? How about some actual tests, goddamnit? I wanna know how she fails so miserably at everything.

But I guess that’s what makes this book so good. Because I kept wanting more. And it was fucking hilarious. I literally laughed out loud several times. And cried. What the fuck is wrong with me?

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4 of 5 Crazy-Cyborg Stars – Exit Ruinland by C.J. Anderson.

This book contains all 4 books in the Ruinland series. All 4? Seriously? Fucking awesome! I mean, I’ve read the whole series, and fucking loved it. The author’s grasp of A.I., and Sci-Fi in general is quite impressive. Her robots are like HAL 9000 on crack. Mmmm, crack.

The first story in this book is fascinating. There’s an underground bunker with 70 people, who are all trying to survive the nuclear apocalypse. A central A.I. named Sophia controls the bunker, and she’s an evil little cunt. The A.I. even has its own henchman, a synthetic humanoid named Chiron, who carries out Sophia’s commands.

Apparently, Sophia is on the rag or something, because she/it has gone completely bat-shit insane. She thinks it’s her job to purify the human race, to ensure the perfect evolution of humanity. So, she goes through the blood samples of her 70 inhabitants and find 20 or so that do not meet her perfect standard.

Of course, the only way to purify the group of humans, is to kill off the ones that don’t meet the qualifications. So, she has her henchman go around and lop off people’s heads all willy-nilly. In fact, Chiron gets a sick thrill out of killing humans.

The second installment in the series is about our hero Lauren Vasquez, freshly escaped from a survival bunker, where the A.I had gone mad. It started to kill everyone it thought was defective. Vasquez escaped, with her ‘defective’ unborn child.

Now, in her new bunker, she tells her superiors about the crazed A.I., back at her old base. The A.I. at this new bunker decides that the murderous A.I. at the other bunker needs to be dealt with, so it sends a military squad off to battle hot crazy metal.

I found this author’s grasp of A.I. completely fascinating. How the synthetics use logic to come to a conclusion, and how a machine can actually enjoy killing humans. It was a very engaging read, and I would recommend it to anyone who’s a fan of sci-fi.

The third story in this series confused the shit out of me. I mean, I understood the story, I just didn’t understand any of the WHY. Why’d she write this story about Chiron? Why didn’t she continue the story where the 2nd one left off? I mean, the 2nd story left off at kind of a cliffhanger. I assumed that Chiron was dead, and I was glad for it! How and why is the little girl still alive enough to actually find Chiron? I mean she nearly dies several times, even with him trying his best to keep her safe. How the hell did she last long enough on her own to end up finding him in the first place? And if she’s wearing an air tight bio-suit, how did she end up almost drowning?

For such a short story, there’s a lot of unanswered questions.

And don’t even get me started on the whole Christian angle. The first two stories seemed to be very much against religion, taking every opportunity to show the reader how religion is destroying the world. This is a viewpoint that I happen to very much agree with. But then, in this story, she takes the opposite approach. Going on about how God is so wonderful, how he made us, and how we should be happy to die and go up to heaven, and all that happy happy, joy joy goo.

The fourth story of Ruinland is about the heroic Lauren Vasquez. But it’s hard to call her a hero, because she pretty much kills everyone that she comes in contact with. Hey, how are you doin’? BAM! Shot to the face. Oh, you’re bleeding. Would you like some help? BAM! Headshot. She’s a cold
hearted bitch.

Vasquez escapes the bunker and runs off to find an airship so she can get the hell out of dodge. Apparently there’s a safe haven somewhere in Canada, and she’s damn determined to get there. So she kills everyone she meets, until she gets to the docking bay. Then, the real killing begins.

I know, I know… This review is very uncharacteristic of me. Most books really piss me off, because they’re just so bad. But when I find a book, or book series that really is awesome, I just have to gush about it. Like I’m a giddy-ass school girl.

I really did enjoy this Ruinland series. It impressed me so much. The characters were vibrant, and real. The story was fast-paced and gripping. I can’t rant about this book enough, it’s just that good.

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