Archive for the ‘5 Star Reviews’ Category


5 of 5 Badass-Chick Stars – In the End by Demitria Lunetta.

This is an awesome fucking book. Even better than the first one, In the After. In this book, there’s so much more conflict and action. It’s an unrelenting race to the end. No dull moments whatsoever.

This is the story of Amy, and her fucked up world, where the planet is overrun by monsters that people thought were aliens, but turned out to be humans that were infected by some bio-weapon that turned them into some kind of plant-like zombie monster called a Florae. They might as well be zombies, because they eat human flesh, and you turn into one if you’re bitten.

In this book, Amy has escaped from her torment at the Ward in New Hope, and is heading off to another civilized shelter called Fort Black. But that place isn’t quite as civilized as New Hope, because it used to be a prison, so it’s filled with mostly convicts. The place is brutal. When she gets there, the first thing that happens, is some ugly brute tries to rape her.

Then, she is saved by her new love interest, Jacks, which is a character completely lifted from Sons of Anarchy, I fucking swear. He’s a tattoo artist, who is covered in tatts himself. It’s not said if he was in a biker gang, I Just assumed that bit. But seriously, he’s just a sensitive badass. In this prison society, all women belong to someone. So, Jacks takes it upon himself to “own” Amy. She’s not too thrilled about this idea, but is happy to be owned if she isn’t constantly harassed by the other men.

One has to wonder how this sensitive badass, who the whole prison is afraid of, hasn’t taken himself a sex slave before this. I mean, he’s hot. He’s badass. Everyone’s scared of him. How come he doesn’t have his own bitch already? Everyone else does. Is he just a flaming homosexual? Apparently not, because he takes quite a liking to Amy. But I really do find that this is kind of a small plot hole in this story. There’s no way this guy didn’t own himself a bitch or two in that place. No fucking way.

But it’s still a great book, nonetheless. I’d highly recommend it. I mean, if you don’t like this book, there’s got to be something wrong with you. Either that, or you just can’t suspend belief enough that some hot tattooed hunk just happened to save himself for this young girl. I hear ya, man. But come on. Just give it a chance. It’s well worth the read.

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5 of 5 Mind-Fuck Stars – The Breach by Patrick Lee.

This book was a very compelling read. I could not put it down. The story is somewhat unique, and the characters were written so well, it just kept me wanting more. The book kept asking impossible questions, but eventually the answers reveal themselves, and my mind was just blown.

This is the story of Travis Chase, just a normal guy out for a hike. Then, all the sudden, a plane crashes nearby, and some special agents from an unknown agency swarm the place. One of the “good” agents finds him, and he agrees to help track down the plane, and its mysterious contents.

This is a crazy sci-fi adventure, with time travel, parallel dimensions, and secret artifacts that can do pretty much anything you can imagine. I finished this book in one sitting because I just couldn’t put it down. The weirdness factor, and the surprise factor were too much to ignore. I mean, I couldn’t predict a goddamn thing in this book, which is a rare and beautiful thing.

I can’t recommend this book enough. It’s just that good. In fact, it’s so good, I can’t even think of anyone to fuck in their dirty asshole. Because, usually books are so bad, someone needs to get fucked dry.

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5 of 5 Charming Stars – The School for Good and Evil by Soman Chainani.

This book is so awesome! It had me hooked from the very first sentence: “Sophie had waited all her life to be kidnapped.” Absolutely amazing story. Couldn’t get enough of it.

A beautiful girl and an ugly goth type girl are somehow best friends. They are whisked away to a fairy tale land, The School for Good and Evil. In a strange twist of fate, the pretty one lands in the evil school and the ugly girl finds herself in the pretty school for good. Hilarity ensues.

From the very beginning, I thought, these girls are totally going to end up in bed together. I won’t tell you if they do in fact end up banging, because that would probably spoil the fun. But I can tell you one thing: goth girls are almost always lesbians. There, I said it.

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5 of 5 Alien Stars – In The After by Demitria Lunetta.

This book was excellent. I started reading it one night, after the power went out. I lost track of time, as I sat there, reading by candlelight. Hours ticked by, and finally, the power came back on. I was about 2/3 through this book, when I went back to whatever I was doing before the power went out. But, I couldn’t shake this book. So, I went back to it, and finished it that night. I just couldn’t put it down.

It’s the story of an alien invasion. A young girl named Amy is stranded, after her parents were killed. She bunkers down in her house, which was quite fortified, because her parents were crazy hippy survivalist nuts. The house even had an electric fence that surrounded it, which actually help keep the aliens out.

She watches as the invaders tear through town, feasting on sweet human flesh. She stays quiet, because she learns that the aliens have extra sensitive hearing. She finds a girl in a supermarket who is only a couple years old, but somehow she had survived the attack. The toddler tries to talk, but Amy keeps her quiet, and even teaches her sign language, from a book her parents had in their library.

While I was getting near the end of this book, I was worried. I kept thinking of ways the author could screw up the ending. But I was pleasantly surprised. The ending was just as good as the rest of the book, if not better. It was just fucking amazing.

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5 of 5 Gory-As-Fuck Stars – Vengeance is Mine by Leon Opio.

This novella would make an awesome horror movie. It’s about someone who gets abused in a mental hospital. They’re raped and tortured in the institution from 13, until their 18th birthday. Then, they set out for revenge on the bitches and assholes who put them there.

The story starts out with 4 people held captive in an abandoned mill. They each are restrained in their own sparse room, which is wired for video and sound, so they can witness the torture of the others who were part of the mental hospital conspiracy.

Throughout the story, we are treated to the detailed torture and eventual execution of these sick individuals. But, it’s not just mindless torture porn. There’s a story behind each of these subjects, and it is relayed with such detail, that by the end of each subject’s story – how and why they got this person institutionalized – you, the reader, are cheering for their horrible deaths.

This is a gripping and compelling tale which had me hanging on every word. This is a rare thing for me, as I am always looking for the worst faults in books. But this book gave me the one thing that I’m always longing for in a horror story. It gave me a villain who turned out to be a hero.

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5 of 5 Kick-Ass Stars – Survive Ruinland by C.J. Anderson.

This is an excellent short story. Of course, it doesn’t make much sense, if you haven’t already read the first story, Enter Ruinland. The series is about a post-apocalyptic world, with people trying to survive the after effects of nuclear war.

This second installment in the series is about our hero Lauren Vasquez, freshly escaped from a survival bunker, where the A.I had gone mad. It started to kill everyone it thought was defective. Vasquez escaped, with her ‘defective’ unborn child.

Now, in her new bunker, she tells her superiors about the crazed A.I., back at her old base. The A.I. at this new bunker decides that the murderous A.I. at the other bunker needs to be dealt with, so it sends a military squad off to battle hot crazy metal.

I found this author’s grasp of A.I. completely fascinating. How the synthetics use logic to come to a conclusion, and how a machine can actually enjoy killing humans. It was a very engaging read, and I would recommend it to anyone who’s a fan of sci-fi.

I don’t usually hand out 5 stars, so when I do, I fucking mean it.

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5 of 5 Awesome-As-Fuck Stars – Heart of Annihilation by C.R. Asay.

This book was amazing. I didn’t expect it to be this good, so it really took me by surprise. I couldn’t put this book down, it was so engaging. I even tried to put it down. I tried to watch some porn, but couldn’t finish, because dammit, I just had to know what the fuck happened to Rose. Did she punch somebody else in the face? Did she zap a humvee with her super alien powers? I just had to finish this book. It was really that compelling.

Of course, I am always looking for faults in books, which there usually are many. There’s usually some stupid plot thing that doesn’t make any sense. Or cardboard characters. Or just plain boring story-telling. But, I just couldn’t find any of those faults in this book. And, believe me, I fucking tried to find the bullshit in this book. Hell, I was hoping for some bullshit, so at least I’d have something to critique. But no! I was denied!

This story is told by our narrator, Kris Rose, who is a Specialist in the U.S. Army. What the fuck a Specialist is, I have no fucking clue. Maybe she just makes damn fine Special sammiches. Who knows? But Kris (don’t call her Kris) Rose is in fact special. She’s a goddamn alien who can nuke people with lightning bolts from her fingers. Of course, she doesn’t know she’s an alien. She also doesn’t know she was a mass-murderer.

So this story is the journey she takes with her army buddies, to find the aliens and piece together her sordid past. To become a better human than alien. To save the human race. And maybe, just maybe, fall in love.

I’m so pissed off right now, because I have nothing to bitch about. So, thanks to you C.R. Asay for writing an awesome book, and making me fail at my job. I really do hate books that suck, and I love finding the bullshit in them. But this book stumped me.

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5 of 5 Motherfucking Stars – Battle Royale by Koushun Takami.

This book is so fucking awesome. It’s like The Hunger Games on crack. Seriously, when the movie for The Hunger Games came out, I was like HELL YEA! KIDS KILLING EACH OTHER! SWEET. But, I hadn’t actually read The Hunger Games books. Needless to say, when I saw the movie, I was like WTF?? WHAT’S ALL THIS POLITICAL HORSESHIT!?

So, fuck Hunger Games. It’s fucking bullshit. Battle Royale started it all. Kids killing each other for the world’s amusement. From the very beginning. Well, there’s like 5 pages of set-up, with the kids all in a classroom. The killing process is explained to them, and they are set off, into the woods to fend for themselves and kill every goddamn student they come across.

It’s fucking brutal. This book describes the battle the way it really would be, if this ever happened. Kids would go ape-shit. It would be a total blood bath. Fuck using a bow and arrow. These teenagers don’t fuck around. It’s an axe to the face. A shotgun to the face. A fucking bazooka to the face. It’d be fucking awesome, if the Japs actually did this. Everyone on the planet would tune in to watch kids tear each other apart. It’s good, clean fun.

So, don’t read that bullshit Hunger Games crap. Read Battle Royale. You can thank me later.

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5 of 5 Fucked-Up Stars – Off Season by Jack Ketchum.

Wow. Just wow. This motherfucker knows how to write sick and twisted shit. I mean, why the fuck is Stephen King so goddamn popular? Nobody ever had to keep a puke bucket nearby while reading some Stephen King book. But, this motherfucker, Ketchum? Damn straight you better have a bucket handy. Fucking blood and guts everywhere in this guy’s books. It’s fucking awesome.

This is pretty much the standard cabin in the woods type horror story. People go on vacation to this secluded cabin, and all the sudden they’re being hunted by cannibals. But, damn… These cannibals don’t fuck around. Ketchum writes so much detail about how to cut open and eat a freshly killed human, it really makes you wonder. Is this motherfucker a goddamn cannibal?

Visions of naked 12 year old feral kids, fucking and giggling in their cave, while snacking on some freshly killed human flesh will haunt my dreams forever, after reading this book. Thank you, Jack Ketchum for making my mind even more fucked up. I am forever in your debt.

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