Archive for the ‘Young Adult’ Category

0ta    FREE for Kindle at Amazon.

3 of 5 Huge-Horse-Cock Stars – Taking the Reins by Katrina Abbott.

The author of this book sent me a free copy and assured me that I would hate it. Well, goddamnit, I didn’t. I expected to hate it, not because the author told me that I would, but because I’m not a fan of romance novels at all. In fact, I avoid them like the plague. I can’t fucking stand romance novels.

I hate them because, for the most part, they’re just cardboard characters doing stupid things for love. Well, this book doesn’t have any cardboard characters. The characters are real, full of life, and even unpredictable. I never knew what they were going to do. I tried predicting the outcome, and failed at every turn.

This story is about a teenage girl named Brooklyn who’s sent to a boarding school, because her parents had too much money, and frankly, they’re bored of her. So, they shipped her off to America, all the way from London, because the farther teenagers are away from their parents, the better.

Brooklyn gets the most awesome roommate. She’s a rich e-commerce girl, named Emmie, who gives away everything she owns to charity, because her parents are such wealthy fucks, that they find the idea of charity offensive. So, when Emmie gives things away, she’s actually just being a rebel, like every other goddamn teenager. But it’s definitely a unique way of rebellion.

Unfortunately, this book isn’t about Brooklyn and Emmie’s torrid gay love affair. I was hoping for it, that’s for sure. They had such chemistry. They belonged together, goddamnit.

Instead, the story is about horses, and their huge cocks. And one boy’s love affair with his sexy horse. Wait, no it’s not. Sorry. Again, that’s what I hoped it would be about. Because, at one point, it’s made clear that one boy does like his horse way too much. So, who knows what happens behind the closed barn, right? I mean, I’m just saying… That guy is totally fucking his horse when nobody is looking.

And then there’s the panty raid. At least 1/3 of this book is dedicated to a panty raid. The boys from the all-boy school down the road, sneak in and steal the undies from the all-girl school. Then, the girls go steal the boy’s undies, because what else is there to do?

Goddamnit. That’s not 1/3 of a book. That’s a chapter. Maybe two. I can only read so much about panty stealing. I mean, maybe if they had stuck the girl panties up a horse’s ass. Or tied up one of the boys with girl panties, and sexually tortured him with a riding crop. That may have been worth 80 pages or so. But not just panty stealing. Come on…

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0sc

3 of 5 Scorched-Ass Stars – The Scorch Trials by James Dashner.

This is the second book in The Maze Runner series, and it actually includes some answers to some of the unanswered questions from the first book. Like, why was the maze built? Who, or what is WICKED, and how are they good?

In this book, The Lord of the Flies boys are introduced to the organization that is WICKED. The purpose behind the maze experiment is somewhat explained. But then, WICKED continues their wicked ways, by sending the Flies boys on yet another experiment.

They are to survive the desert, hence the ‘Scorch Trials’ title. Monsters are thrown at them, just like in the maze, but this time the monsters can come at any time, during the day or night.

And there’s the scavengers. The survivors of the plague, which seem to be living in a Mad Max kind of apocalyptic world. These scavengers attack the Flies boys. They’re especially interested in the boy’s one female member.

Of course, the Flies boys escape, along with their token female. And, they’re off to yet another forced challenge of the desert.

This whole book seemed forced to me. It’s like the author didn’t really want to come up with any answers to the questions posed in The Maze Runner. It was supposed to be a stand-alone book, dammit.

But then the publishers pushed him into writing these other books. So, he just pulled some answers out of his ass, and said, “There. Now leave me the fuck alone.”

Unfortunately, the publishers didn’t leave him alone, because even after the Maze Runner series, he had to write a prequel book called The Kill Order.

Talk about a disappointment. The prequel is so much worse than the Maze Runner series. It’s complete garbage. It’s like Mr. Dashner here decided to fuck with the publishers. Like, “I’ll just write total shit, then they can’t publish it. Haa ha! I’ve got you fucking publishers now!”

But, joke’s on him. Because they fucking published that shit too. Whatever you do, don’t read The Kill Order. It completely ruined anything that was good about the Maze Runner series.

And don’t read this fucking book either. The Scorch Trials just muddy the waters. It dilutes a perfectly good idea, and turns it to shit.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0gb    FREE with Kindle Unlimited at Amazon.

1 of 5 Must-Skip Stars – Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry.

This book is bullshit. After reading The Giver, I expected some answers, goddamnit. Did they survive? Or, did they freeze to death? Did our hero sled his way to another bizarre society, or did he end up in the real, normal world?

None of those questions are answered. In fact, none of the characters from the first book are even mentioned in this second book. It’s fucking bullshit.

It’s just a story of some stupid orphan girl, who happens to have a gift for making things. So, the powers that be take her and make her their slave girl, so she can repair their sacred quilt, or whatever.

That’s pretty much it. That’s the story. Nothing compelling about it at all. Just a bullshit pagan story. I don’t fucking care one bit. I want answers, goddamnit!

Yes, it was a well-written story. But no, it was not worth reading. If you’re going to read this series, just skip this one. It doesn’t change a fucking thing. You’re not going to miss anything at all.

The next two books in this series are fascinating, but this one just doesn’t belong. It’s completely out of place, and I wish I could strike it out of existence. It’s that bad.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0k

3 of 5 Whiney-Ass-Bitch Stars – It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini.

This book really hit home for me. Like a lot of teenagers, when I was 15, I was suicidal as fuck. One time, I had the shotgun out of the closet. Loaded it. Put it up to my mouth. Then, I heard the front door open. My mom got home. Shit. So, I put the gun back, and pretended that nothing was wrong.

This book is about 15 year old Craig, who is much more depressed than I ever was. In fact, he’s probably schizophrenic, because he hears voices and shit. He thinks about jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, but instead, he goes home and calls the suicide hotline.

They tell him to go to the hospital. Just check in at the emergency room, and tell them you’re fucking suicidal. So, he does. And he gets sent to the adult mental ward, because the children’s ward is being renovated, or some shit. They get him back on his meds, and he starts feeling a wee bit better.

The problem I have with this book, is the first half is completely worthless. It’s just Craig whining like a little bitch. Awww. School is hard. People don’t like me. OMG, I got a 93% on a test. My life is over. Jesus fucking christ, man. Get over yourself.

The book doesn’t really get interesting until he checks himself into the mental ward. Then, all the crazy characters come out to play. And, for some reason, all the girls want to fuck him. I mean, seriously. The girls in the ward want to fuck him. The girls from school suddenly want to fuck him. What the fuck?

There’s nothing fuckable about this guy. He’s just some random fucked-up teenager. Okay, he does get more interesting when he starts doing his drawings. He gets all sensitive and shit. Hell, I kind of wanted to fuck him during that part of the story.

And, by the way, it’s not a funny story at all. Not in the slightest. If anything, it’s depressing as fuck. Well, until near the end, when he finally gets some inspiration to actually change his life. Then it at least gets hopeful. But funny? It was never funny.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0giv

4 of 5 Unbelievable Stars – The Giver by Lois Lowry.

This is a fascinating book. The world that the author has created is so unique and interesting. I actually got bored after the first chapter or so, and put it aside, thinking it was just stupid. But then, a friend who had read the book explained some of it to me, and after that, I just had to finish it.

Sure enough, after a few chapters, the world blossomed, and I found myself glued to the pages. It’s the story of a world where everything is bland. It’s literally in black and white. Nothing exciting ever happens, because their society is designed that way.

But then, our hero Jonas suddenly starts to see color. Oh wow, color. How amazing. Of course it’s not amazing to me, but to him, it’s unbelievable. Because since birth, everything he’s seen has been black and white.

Then, the sorting begins, as it does in every other goddamn young adult book. In this case, they’re not sorted into factions, per se. They’re sorted into jobs. Jonas happens to get chosen to be the Receiver, which is a very rare opportunity, indeed.

The Receiver is given the memories of the before time, before this society came to be. Back when there was color, and snow, and love. He is introduced to The Giver, who is to give him these memories.

This book moved me, and I really don’t know why. When The Giver tells Jonas, “You can call me, The Giver,” I literally cried. I can’t remember the last time a book made me feel that much emotion.

Since Jonas is a rebel, like all other heroes in every goddamn young adult book, he decides that the world must know about these amazing memories. The world has to see color, and know what it’s like to love.

Jonas kidnaps a baby, who was scheduled for termination, because he wasn’t as perfect as the other babies. Then, Jonas escapes the society, to the outer limits of its boundaries, because for some fucked up reason, if the boundary is breached, the society will get back all their memories of the before time, and see color, and love and all that happy horseshit.

None of this makes any fucking sense. How would suddenly passing a fence actually change everyone’s brains? From what I could tell, the society’s brains are modified with medication, that limits their eyesight, and their emotions. So, I just don’t get how some magical fence would make any change to that.

The only explanation is that it’s magic. But of course, as they say, technology is magic, to those who have never seen, or experienced it. I mean, show a smartphone to some fucker who lives in the jungle, and I’m sure they would think it’s magic. So, maybe it’s just some strange technology that I don’t understand.

Or maybe it’s just the author going, “Because I said so! Okay? I don’t have time to explain this shit.” Because, that’s really what I think it is. The author just got lazy.

That being said, it’s still an amazing book. I would highly recommend it. The world building is just plain fascinating, and the characters are so real, they made me fucking cry.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0ed

3 of 5 Selfish-Cunt Stars – Every Day by David Levithan.

This is a very compelling love story. Unfortunately, that’s all it is. A love story. With its premise of an entity who wakes up in a different teenage body every day, it could have been so much more than a love story.

This entity, named simply ‘A’, wakes up one day as an asshole jock who just happens to have a sweet, beautiful girlfriend. A falls instantly in love with said girlfriend, and takes her on a fabulous, unforgettable journey to the beach.

And so begins their strange affair. As A wakes up the next day as a 16 year old girl, all she can think about is Rhiannon, the girlfriend from the day before. So, A begins to insert herself into Rhiannon’s life. Every time she/he wakes up as a different person, she finds a way to get back to Rhiannon’s life.

Eventually, A tells Rhiannon the incredible story of her so-called life. About waking up as a different person every goddamn day. And A explains the love she feels for Rhiannon, how she desperately needs to be part of Rhiannon’s life. Of course, Rhiannon has a hard time believing such a crazy story. But she finally does accept it, as A turns up every day as a different teenager.

It really is a fascinating story, because every day, A has to find a way to get back to Rhiannon. And Every day, Rhiannon has to wrestle with the idea of loving an entity. Loving a soul, while trying to ignore the human package it’s wrapped in.

It was kind of funny, when A turned up to see Rhiannon as a 300 pound fat-ass geek-boy. It was kind of hard for Rhiannon to see the soul of A, when she/he was wrapped up in such an unattractive package.

This story was an interesting study in sexuality, because A could wake up as a girl or a boy, and it never really mattered to he/she. A still wanted the same things. Still attracted to Rhiannon as much as the day before. Hell, they even kissed as both boy and girl.

One time, A woke up naked, in the arms of another girl. And it was beautiful. There was so much love, and nakedness, and sweet girl-on-girl action. I think I even got a mild chubby, reading that bit.

But, there was this whole sub-plot, where one boy that A inhabited actually woke up thinking he had been possessed by the devil. And, it got spread all over the internet, and the tabloids. THE DEVIL IS AMONG US! And there was this preacher who went on an on about the whole devil possession thing.

A goes to meet the preacher, and finds out that he’s in fact the same type of entity. Or something. It didn’t really make much sense. It was like the author had this idea, about the demon possession thing, and just forgot about it or something. Because that could have made this story much more than just a love story.

Because, A finds out that not only are there others out there just like her/him, but that it is actually possible to keep the body you woke up in, instead of switching to another at midnight. So, A could actually have a life together with Rhiannon.

But no. Instead, she runs away to another city, so she will never see Rhiannon again. Because she/he doesn’t want to steal another person’s life. I don’t fucking get it. This whole goddamn story is about A trying to find a way to have a love life with Rhiannon. As soon as she discovers a way to make it happen, she just abandons it, and runs away.

What the actual FUCK? The ending just negates the whole fucking story. It’s fucking bullshit. This whole time A is struggling to get together with Rhiannon. It’s the love she/he’s always wanted. And then, it’s just ended? What a crying shame.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0ST

4 of 5 Giddy-As-A-Schoolgirl Stars – Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson.

Just about every time I read about about heroes and villains, I usually end up rooting for the villain. Because villains are fucking awesome. They destroy entire cities. They kill anyone who even tries to oppose them.

I’ve always known that, if I had a choice to be a hero or a villain, I’d chose villain every time. Because they’re just more fun. And they always get the bitches. Heroes have to hide their identity. They have to work at getting pussy. Fuck that shit.

I mean, think about Superman. That poor guy never gets laid. Because he has to live his life as fucking pathetic Clark Kent. And Spider-Man has the same damn problem. He loves Mary Jane, but he just can’t close the deal, because he doesn’t want to see her get hurt…

It fucking pisses me off. Why can’t superheroes grow a pair, and just be who they are, instead of hiding from everyone. Sure, that paints a target on your back, but when you’re motherfucking Superman, who the fuck cares? Nothing can hurt you. So, grow a pair and get some bitches, you stupid cry-baby fuck.

This book is about a world overrun by superheroes. But they’re not superheroes. They’re all supervillains. Because that’s how it’d really be, if the world was riddled with so many people with amazing powers. They would rule the world, no question.

I’ve never understood that part of the whole X-Men conflict. In the X-Men world, the mutants are scared of the government. They hide themselves, so they don’t get locked away and experimented on by Men in Black. But come on… That’s just not realistic. X-Men could rule the world, easily. But they don’t. Because they’re cry-baby little pussies.

That’s why this book is so goddamn awesome. Their world is ruled by supervillains. In fact, the government even made a law that states that any Epic has immunity to any law. So, they can rule with impunity, without anyone even trying to fuck with them.

But there’s still a select few who challenge the Epics every so often. A group of people who call themselves the Reckoners. The group is made up of a bunch of rebels who are sick and fucking tired of being ruled by asshole supervillains. So, they stalk the night and take out as many Epics as they can. Usually sticking with the minor Epics who can actually be killed.

Then, our hero David joins their ranks. He’s been studying the Epics since his father was killed 10 years earlier. David has compiled a bunch of notebooks which detail certain weaknesses in various Epics, which would make them so much easier to kill.

But of course, the Reckoners tell him to pound sand. Because, conflict. But then, David tells them about some of his research, about the Epic’s weaknesses… And he’s in the club! Yay. This bit seemed very forced. I mean it was so obvious that he would make a perfect addition to the team, that any of their objections just seemed fake and silly. And that just distracted me from the story. Because, I had to suspend belief for that bit. It just wasn’t genuine, and it pissed me off just a tad.

And the swearing… There’s so much fucking swearing in this book. But it’s kind of a young adult book, so there aren’t any real swear words. They say things like “Oh, calamity!” or “Sparks!” or “Shut up, you stupid slontze!” This was another thing that drove me crazy, and distracted me from the story. Again, I had to suspend belief like every other fucking page. Because, goddamnit… People don’t fucking talk like that. Sure, one guy might talk like that, but EVERY TIME SOMEONE SWORE??? Every goddamn character used those fake swear words. It’s just fucking bullshit.

But still, the story was fucking awesome. The slight flaws were made up by the awesome story and characters. I read this book, because after I reviewed The Last Superhero, I was extremely pissed off that there really were no superheros, or even supervillains in that book. With Steelheart, there’s Epics to spare, and I fucking loved it.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0fs

4 of 5 Roller-Coaster Stars – The Society of Imaginary Friends by Kristen Pham.

I’m pretty sure that most kids experience imaginary friends, from time to time. Especially us geeky types, who didn’t have many real friends. You could always count on your imaginary friends to cheer you up. They would give you reasons not to kill yourself. Or at least, make you feel guilty enough not to do it. Because, they loved you. And even imaginary love is worth sticking around for.

This book tells the story of imaginary friends that really do exist. I mean, they exist elsewhere, on another planet entirely, but they project themselves to earth, like a hologram, to enrich children’s lives.

These imaginary friends, and their world, are full of magic and wonder. Sometimes, they find children on earth who are capable of amazing magic themselves. But the magic will kill them if they stay on earth. Because, reasons.

This story is about a young girl’s journey to this other world. Because, for some reason, Valerie’s oh so special. Bad guys from the other world are sent to attack her, but Valerie’s magic makes her a natural fighter. She turns into a She-Hulk and destroys anyone who tries to stop her.

Okay, she doesn’t really turn into a She-Hulk. But the rage wells up inside her, and her power just goes berserk, and… Goddamnit. It’s just easier to say she turns into a fucking She-Hulk.

And of course, there’s the dreamy boy-toy who has been sent to protect her, on her journey to the other world. But then, Valerie is whisked away to the Globe, in the first ingenious mode of transportation in this book. She’s hurled through outer space in a bubble, that she steers with her mind. So, of course she gets lost immediately.

That’s one of the coolest parts of this book. The unique modes of transportation. From magic tunnels, to magic wind portals, to bending space and time… It’s just amazing and creative.

Valerie finally does find her way to this magical land, where there are even more bad guys after her. I never really did figure out why the fuck everyone is after this girl. There’s really nothing that special about her. Sure, she’s a She-Hulk type fighter, but so what? I mean, she can bring people back from the dead. Big deal.

It’s just like… This whole book is an adrenaline rush, where the characters are always running for their life. Someone is always out to get them. But why? I just can’t figure that bit out. Why do they want to get this girl? I kept thinking that there would be some reveal in the end, about how she’s some kind of legacy, or prophecy that must be stopped or something… But no.

I loved this book because of its amazing world building, and vibrant characters. I actually cared what the fuck happened to this girl. I didn’t know why I cared. I just did. Because these imaginary friends are real, goddamnit. They’re real to me, at least. Don’t judge me!

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

0da

3 of 5 Stupid Cunt Stars – Divergent by Veronica Roth.

Before I heard of this book, I didn’t know the word Divergent even existed. Then, I started reading the book, and the protagonist started explaining the factions. I’m pretty sure the author just made up words for the faction titles because fuck, I’ve never heard of those words either.

I mean, Abnegation isn’t a word, is it? Or Erudite? I mean am I just completely illiterate? Well, probably, because I had to look up how to spell illiterate. But still! Every time I was reading about the factions, my brain just went bla bla bla, that’s not a word, just skip it.

That being said, it was still an interesting and compelling story. Albeit, a very juvenile way of telling it. I mean the first person protagonist is just a typical moody teenage girl. Seriously, who wants to hear about some stupid teenage girl, from her point of view? Apparently me, because I still finished the goddamn thing.

It really is a good story, even though it’s derivative as fuck. I mean, come on… Putting teenagers into factions is not an original idea at all. It’s like nearly every goddamn young adult book puts ’em in factions. What’s the deal with that? Is it because teens are rebellious, and it’s just a tool to create more conflict? Probably.

But, I don’t really care. It was still well worth reading. The Dauntless faction that young Tris chose, definitely sounds like fun. I don’t know why any teenager would chose any of the other factions, really. Because, the rest of them sound boring as fuck.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook

On Top

3 of 5 Not-So-Digital Stars – Digital Heretic by Terry Schott.

At the end of the first book in this series, The Game, I thought to myself, ‘Wait a minute, this is a game within a game, isn’t it?’. And sure enough, with this book, that’s what it is.

Our hero, Trew dies at the end of the first book. Well, he was mostly dead, anyway. His body was only kept alive by machines. But, guess what happens in this book? Go ahead, guess. Do you think he’s really dead? Or does he just wake up suddenly, as if by miracle?

You guessed it! He’s alive and well. Yippie! Who the fuck cares? Jesus tapdancing christ. If you’re gonna kill someone, fucking kill them, goddamnit. I fucking swear, everyone who ‘dies’ in this fucking book ends up just coming back, refreshed and spry as ever.

Anyway, this book is about the ever-growing conspiracy, about who can manipulate The Game. Because, there’s this prophecy, or something, that when Danni dies, The Game will end. If that happens, then all the players around the world will drop dead. Really dead. Not this bullshit come-back-to-life dead, I mean real-life dead.

Okay, fine. So, pull all the players out of the goddamn game, already. What’s the fucking problem? Just shut down the game, before Danni can die. Pull her out, along with everyone else. End of conflict.

But, I guess that’s just too goddamn easy. Instead, most of this book is about an evil programmer who ended up becoming The Game’s Lucifer. And he’s systematically killing off players. Oh noes. Big fucking deal. If they die in the game, they just wake up in real life. So, why should I shed one fucking tear? It’s not real death, it’s not even real conflict. it’s just fake make-believe computer-generated conflict.

Fuck that shit. Give me some real goddamn conflict, for fuck’s sake. Give me something to actually care about. Not just this fucking intrigue, where this might be a game within a game. Or maybe there’s not a game at all. Maybe there really is a God, and he’s controlling the whole goddamn planet. Who the fuck knows?

This book just gave me too many questions, without enough answers. And it left on a motherfucking cliffhanger. Goddamn cocksucking authors and their fucking series. I get it, it’s your job to drag us along, so we want to read the next one.

But, fuck you man. At least give me a stand-alone story, that’s compelling enough in and of itself, that I actually want to read the next one. Don’t just write a 300 page fucking preview of the series for fuck’s sake. Because that’s what this book is, in the end. Just a motherfucking preview.

Visit me at Goodreads and Follow me on Twitter & Facebook