The Automation – is an automatic fail

1 of 5 Human-Fuck-Toy Stars – The Automation by some stupid pen name. And edited by some asshole who constantly breaks the fourth wall and comments on this stupid fucking story. Explaining just how stupid it really is.

I did not finish this book. I just couldn’t. It was that bad. I read the first few chapters, hoping for something great, because the premise of the book intrigued me. But the chapters I read were so bloody disappointing, that I had to just skip to the last chapter, and find out if any of this book was really worth reading. Turns out that it wasn’t. It wasn’t even worth skimming the rest of it to see if there was any nugget of goodness in it. Because I knew for certain that the author was just too goddamn stupid to write anything remotely satisfying.

I mean, it was like this book was written by a goddamn teenager, or something. Because all the dialog in this book is about who is fucking who. Or who likes who. Or damn, The Who sure is a good band, or something. I don’t fucking know. It’s just teenage garbage. But it’s not the usual teenage garbage, you see. No, this is garbage that is pretending to be interesting. But trust me, it’s not interesting at all.

Of course, I felt the same way about the Twilight books, but at lest they had some form of substance. Not much, mind you. But at least it was something. This book… All the dialog is just so fucking pointless. And the characters all talk and act the same. It’s like the author never figured out how to actually write distinct characters. He (or she) just wrote dialog of him talking to himself (or herself, or itself, or whatever). Where’s the fun in that? I mean, yes in effect, all authors are writing dialog of themselves talking to themselves, because they really are every character in the book. It’s called imagination. Look it up.

But no. Not this cunt (or dick). No, this jackass just said fuck it, and literally talked to themselves throughout this whole book, without ever thinking of actually making any interesting or unique characters. No imagination whatsoever.

Oh wait. That’s not true. The premise of this book is actually quite interesting. Certainly more interesting than the goddamn book, that’s for sure. It’s about humanoid robots. And the gods who made them. And the masters of the robots. And arguments about who’s going to have sex with the robots first. Because what else are humanoid robots good for, really? You can only tell them to make you a fucking sammich so many times before you want to bend them over the coffee table and fuck their brains out. I know these things. The toaster gave me a dirty look one time, and I showed that toaster who’s boss. Right in its dirty little toaster asshole.

But a good premise does not make for a good book in this case. It’s just false promises, and broken dreams. The premise of this book is like the trailer for that stupid fucking Fantastic 4 movie. It looks oh so polished. So much action and intrigue. I’ve got to see that fucking movie. Then they fuck you in the drive-through. Because you go and watch that movie, and it’s total fucking horseshit.

So don’t fall for the sexy robot premise. Sure, it seems like a good idea at the time, but in the end, you’ll just get your dick toasted. And nobody wants that. Trust me, I know.

Cyberpunk – is not very familiar with computers

3 of 5 Not-Very-Punky Stars – Cyberpunk! by Bruce Bethke.

It’s really weird reading a book that coined the term “cyberpunk” way back in 1980. I mean, there were barely any computers around in 1980. As far as I can tell, the story is actually set in the 80’s.

Well, that’s not really true. In the beginning of the book, the kid is some kind of hacker, cruising around with his hacker buddies. So, at first it seems like the story is set in the future. But then the kid gets sent off to military school, and it seems that they are sent back in time to the 80’s.

But they weren’t. It just becomes dated writing once he gets to military school. There’s still some computer code jargon thrown around once in a while, but for the most part, its just regular 80’s style military school.

And then, it turns into The Shawshank Redemption. Because, our cyberpunk hero has a skill that the general desperately needs. See, the school needs a computer system. And this cyberpunk is the only one who has the skills to build it.

So, here we are, back in the 80’s. I mean, if this story was indeed set in the future, where computers are so common that every teenager has one, how the bloody fuck does this military school not have a computer system? It just doesn’t make any sense at all.

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