Posts Tagged ‘die hard’


4 of 5 TV-Dinner Stars – Savagery and Saviors by Ken Hollern.

This book would make a great action movie. Because it’s like Die Hard on a boat. One man against a ship full of mercenaries. I can just hear the trailer now… “In a world… Where kidnapped children are rescued by an ex football player… And a beautiful woman blows him for his bravery.”

The story is about Cole, an ex football player who is braver that he likes to believe. He goes to the port to check on his boat, when he hears some fearful screams from a girl on another boat. He looks in on the scene, and some girl is definitely about to get raped. But hey, fuck that. Cole’s got shit to do.

So he goes back to his boat, then hears more screams. And he just stands there like an idiot as the girl screams some more. He thinks, fuck it. I’ll just call 911 and be done with it. The goddamn police can handle this shit. I don’t got time to fuck with four guys with knives.

He starts to dial 911, and hears more screams from the girl. Goddamnit, he thinks. Why do I have to care so much? Why can’t I just be a fucking asshole, and go about my business? Sunofabitch.

He charges in on the four guys, and rescues the girl. But then more thugs show up, and knock his ass out. Next thing he knows, he wakes up in a big steel container on a ship, in the middle of the fucking ocean. Shit, he thinks. This is what I get for being a fucking nice guy. Goddamnit.

He hollers for help, but gets no answer. Days go by. He hollers some more, and finally someone does answer. It’s some kids who are trapped in the container next to him. They tell him that they’ve been kidnapped, and are about to be sold to the highest bidder.

Just as Cole thinks his situation is completely hopeless, a beautiful woman breaks him out of his prison. She’s like an investigative reporter or something, who came aboard the ship as a cook in order to investigate about child trafficking. Cole tells her about the kids in the next container.

Yeah, whatever. She doesn’t really care, because apparently she’s really horny. Because of course she is. I mean, a man did write this shit, after all. So she’s all, “You’re a hot piece of man-meat. You’re coming back to my room. We’re gonna fuck like rabid bunnies.”

And Cole is all like, “But… But we just met! And there’s like kids to save! And… Oh who am I kidding. Let’s fuck.” Because, duh. When some hot bitch says you’re gonna fuck, you don’t fucking argue with her. You get it on, man.

Eventually, they do get around to thinking about maybe saving the kids. Then the conflict continues on land, as the kids are about to be sold to some ragheads. It really is a non-stop action type of book. Just when I thought the book was coming to a conclusion, another conflict was thrown at me, and I couldn’t stop reading it.

I liked this book because it was fun and entertaining. It never let up on the action and suspense. And the characters were very real and funny. The banter between Cole and the sexy reporter chick was fucking hilarious. And I can almost hear Cole saying that line from Die Hard, “Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.”

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