Posts Tagged ‘ghosts’

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4 of 5 Super-Shart Stars – Dissimilar Shorts 4 by J.B. Taylor.

Sometimes I watch Ghost Hunters, just for a good laugh. Because that show really is retarded. And every fucking time I watch it, I hope to Christ that some actual ghost would jump out and gang-rape the shit out of those guys. Because that would be fucking hysterical.

The first story in this book is about just such a scene. A TV show goes to investigate a haunted house, and end up getting gang-raped by a little girl with an axe. A ghost axe, of course. And damn, if that little girl isn’t evil as fuck. I totally want to keep her in my basement, on a very short leash. For science!

Okay, maybe she’s not really evil. She’s just lonely. And killing more people gets more ghosts stuck in her house. More people to have tea with. More people to torture. And more screams! It’s always good to get more screams. Screams are her life-blood. It’s what she lives for. Crazy ass little girl.

The other story in this book is about super-heroes. Retarded super-heroes, apparently. Because, in the first scene, we find The Judge doing his super-tricks to thwart a bank robbery and save many lives. He can put anyone into a coma with just a thought. And he can fucking teleport anywhere, like that Jumper faggot.

But that’s not why he’s retarded. He’s retarded because the bad guys kidnap his girlfriend, and demand a ransom of 4 MILLION DOLLARZ. Oh noes! I guess I’d better go get that money then. Just rob a few banks, then I get my girl back. Cool. That’d be easy.

But wait, man. What the fuck? You have already shown us your motherfucking super-powers, so why the fuck are you robbing banks to pay these Russian cunts? Just do your thing, and snatch her back. How hard is that? You already did it before, so why are you running around robbing banks to give to the Russians? Have they brain washed you into being their bitch or something? What the actual fuck?

But wait, it gets worse. He meets yet another super-hero while he robs another bank. And she’s just as retarded. They have this whole epic fight scene, and after they’re finally tired of punching each other in the face, The Judge explains to her that he’s only stealing this dough to save a life. His precious girlfriend, who he’s never even fucked yet.

And I totally expected super-girl to respond with something like, “So, use your super-powers, man. Just go get her back, you fucking pussy. Why bother with all this money? Are you like retarded, or something?” But no. She totally went along with his plan, and helped him steal money to get his stupid girlfriend back.

I really did like both of these stories. I had my issues with the second one, but I still liked it. I mean, there was still lots of action and intrigue. And it even made me laugh because it was so fucking retarded. And if something can make you laugh, even if it’s unintentional, it can’t be that bad.

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3 of 5 Ghost-Buster Stars – Alicia Bewitched by Nick Iuppa & John P. Mendoza.

It took me forever to get through this book. Usually it only takes me a couple of hours to read a 300 page book. But not this one. Because the first half of it was so fucking boring, I had to stop every so often, and do something else.

This book is about Alicia and her husband battling the evil James Bond villain Tiger Joy. The first half of the book is very repetitive. It’s just Alicia pining for her husband, who’s trapped in Tiger Joy’s prison.

It literally takes Alicia and her friends half the book to finally find a way to get her husband out of the prison. I really wish I had started this book at the half-way point, because after Carlos is free of his prison, the book really picks up, and finally becomes interesting.

This is a multiple-orgasm type of book. Not because it’s particularly erotic. It’s because this book has something like five goddamn climaxes. Alicia and Carlos keep having these epic battles against the evil James Bond villain. They kill her, but that doesn’t really matter. She just comes back as a ghost. Which isn’t very surprising, because Alicia herself is a ghost.

And a witch. And a shape-shifter. Wait, maybe that’s her husband. I don’t fucking know. It seems like everyone in this fucking book has some super-powers or another. Witchcraft, sorcery, alchemy, and of course doing fun ghost tricks.

Like when Alicia gives her husband head. And his cock goes through the back of her fucking skull. Because she’s a goddamn ghost. I really don’t get how the living have sex with ghosts, but somehow they manage it.

I really hated the first half of this book. But the second half made up for it. It was quite the joyride of action, once Carlos was free. Because Tiger Joy is a persistent little cunt. And she even has a sister named Kitty, who can turn into a cat and sit on Tiger’s lap, like a real James Bond villain. Isn’t that cute?

Get my book, Glenn Hates Books Vol. 1. It’s free, with Kindle Unlimited.

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