Astro is Down in the Dumps – stupid dog

Posted: March 16, 2015 in 2 Star Reviews, Fiction, Young Adult
Tags: , , , , , , ,

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2 of 5 A-Gun-For-Astro Stars – Astro is Down in the Dumps by Susan Day.

Fuck this dog! Seriously, what is your problem, man? How hard can life be, as a fucking dog? You’ve got everything! Food, water, shelter, and even friends, for fuck’s sake. I just don’t understand what the fuck this dog is depressed about. Maybe someone pissed in his water bowl, or something. Who the hell knows.

This book is about a stupid cunt-doggie, who whines all day about how miserable his fucking life is. I’m pretty sure he’s suicidal. Because all his goddamn friends come to see him, and try to cheer him up, but he’s not having any of it. “Fuck off!” he says.

But they won’t ‘fuck off’. More and more friends come to see this stupid cunt-doggie, in more useless attempts to cheer him up. Of course one stupid asshole brings him fruit. How the fuck is fruit supposed to cheer up a motherfucking dog? He’s a goddamn carnivore. Bring him some fucking beef ribs or something. That’d make any dog happy.

But no. His friends keep bringing him stupid shit, that wouldn’t cheer up any dog that I know. I mean, they bring him paints, so he can do some doodling. Big deal. They bring him music, so he can sing and dance. What fucking dog wants to sing and dance? Come on.

The only good suggestion made by these so-called friends of his, was to go outside and play, goddamnit. Get the fuck out of bed, you lazy fuck. Bask in the sunshine. Chase a motherfucking frisbee, for fuck’s sake. Or a cat, even. Just do something, damn.

In the end, this cunt-dog learns a valuable lesson: his friends are assholes. He only has one true friend, and that’s the one who took him outside to play. The rest can fuck off and die.

*** DISCLAIMER: This is NOT an honest review. This review is for amusement purposes only, by request from the author. You can read my real review of this book at goodreads, if you like. I gave it 4/5 stars, because it really is a great children’s book.

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Comments
  1. You’re right of course. The feckin dog loves ribs and steak. He hates fruit. Bastard.

    I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.

    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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