3 of 5 Sweet-Human-Flesh Stars – Consumed by Matt Shaw.
This is a very standard cabin in the woods type horror story. Which really pisses me off. It’s not the cabin in the woods that annoys me. It’s all the normal bullshit you have to wade through to get to the goddamn cabin.
Because the first half of this book is a complete waste of space. Well, that’s not entirely true. Just like a good horror movie, Shaw grips his audience from the very first page, with an excerpt of what is to come. Extreme horror. Yay!
So the first page is good, but then it drags on for another 70 or so pages, without even a hint of any more gore. Just some idiots going camping. Talking about bullshit. What should we have for dinner? Oh, did you see that flower? So pretty…
Just kill me now. I fucking hate that mundane horseshit. I’m sure some would say “Oh, but Glenn, you can’t have hardcore gore all the time. You have to build characters and such.”
I say, “BULLSHIT!” You can totally have both. Just ask Jack Ketchum, or Edward Lee, to name a few. They write stories that are crazy hardcore horror, and they even have vibrant characters to go with the story. It can be done.
It just can’t be done by Matt Shaw. I’ve read several of his books, and it always comes down to the same problem. Too much everyday life bullshit, and not enough actual story. I don’t give a fuck what your characters had for breakfast. I don’t care that the coffee was oh so wonderful. Nobody fucking cares about that shit.
But then, when Shaw finally gets down to the meat of his story, where the poor hapless strangers find a helpful family in the secluded cabin in the woods. What could go wrong? Well, everything…
The hapless dude’s girlfriend gets literally eaten for dinner. While she’s still alive. Naked, and tied to the dining room table. Apparently these folks prefer their human meat fresh off the bone.
One of the cannibal girls corners the poor hapless guy. She seduces him. Gets him nice and hard. Goes down on his cock, and literally swallows it whole. After she bites it off at the base, of course.
So yes, good times were eventually had at the cabin in the woods. It just took way too long to actually get there.
Get my book, Glenn Hates Books Vol. 1. It’s free, with Kindle Unlimited.
Glenn Hates Books 